You thought Rebecca Black's "Friday" was compellingly appalling musical kitsch? Wrap your ears around Russell Crowe belting out "Javert's Suicide" like a wounded wildebeest. There are a couple of redeeming moments on this chart-topping soundtrack; Sacha Baron Cohen has fun with the jaunty "Master of the House," and Anne Hathaway gives the schmaltzy "I Dreamed a Dream" her all. But Claude-Michel Schönberg and Herbert Kretzmer's songs are so tune-starved and ridiculous, no one, least of all a bunch of movie stars who can't really sing, can do anything about them. Hate-listening is the only option.