Photo: Walt Disney Pictures
Look, the studio didn't show me the movie. Why would they? So the trailer is all I have. The darned thing lasts only two minutes and 17 seconds, but it still sent me spiraling into sugar shock. The funny thing is that Miley Cyrus, chatting on TV, comes off as an appealingly tough cookie. On screen, at least in this trailer, she looks so Disneyfied she's practically a cartoon character. The target audience of tweens willingly believes that no one can tell the difference between Miley and her pop star alter ego, Hannah Montana. Miley's blonde wig works like Clark Kent's glasses. Got that?
The plot that peeks through the trailer's hard sell suggests that Miley's father (read: dad Billy Ray Cyrus) has tricked her back home to Tennessee after the wicked girl misbehaved in the big city. What was Miley's sin as blonde vixen Hannah Montana? A shoe fight with Tyra Banks! OMG! Soon the wig is off and Miley is playing with farm animals, flirting with a sexually nonthreatening cowboy and admitting, "I never expected to love it so much here." Can you die? I damn near did. The trailer promises the movie will deliver 12 new songs! Despite that threat, I will see the movie this weekend and post a full review for the purists. As Miley sings in the movie, "ain't about how fast I get there/ain't about what's waiting on the other side/it's the climb." I'm expecting a long hard one.