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movie reviews

February 20, 2004

Welcome to Mooseport

2

Gene Hackman, Ray Romano

Directed by: Donald Petrie

What would happen if a popular former president (Gene Hackman) moved back to his summer residence in Maine and decided to run for mayor against the shlub (Ray Romano) who runs the hardware store? In this case, a comedy so devoid of wit and point that not mentioning the other actors trapped in this rathole would be an act of charity. | More »

Against the Ropes

2

Meg Ryan, Omar Epps, Skye McCole Bartusiak, Tony Shalhoub, Timothy Daly

Directed by: Charles Dutton

It's not hard to understand why Meg Ryan would be attracted to the true story of ballsy boxing manager Jackie Kallen: a chance to dress and talk Erin Brockovich-trashy and maybe snag Oscar attention. But the movie, so loosely based on Kallen's life as to bear no relation to human life on this planet, is a stiff. A miscast Ryan struggles with a Detroit accent and a script that goes nowhere. Good actors — Omar Epps as a wanna-be champ, Charles Dutton as his trainer, Tony Shalhou... | More »

February 13, 2004

50 First Dates

4

Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Rob Schneider, Sean Astin, Lusia Strus

Directed by: Peter Segal

50 First Dates rolls unapologetically off the Adam Sandler assembly line — another farce high on silliness, sentiment, dick jokes, vomit (a walrus blows lunch) and a crazylove for grossouts that is too sincere to be faked. Say what you will about him — and to most critics Sandler is the anti-Christ of comedy — he's a thirty-seven-year-old man who won't let the idiot boy die inside of him. There's a nutjob integrity in that. Paul Thomas Anderson took him into ... | More »

February 6, 2004

The Dreamers

6

Michael Pitt, Eva Green

Directed by: Bernardo Bertolucci

Dream on if you think the NC-17 stamp that the ratings board stupidly slapped on Bernardo Bertolucci's The Dreamers means you're in for porn with your popcorn. The film provides a view of a vagina (full frontal) and two dicks (limp), plus one scene of jerking off (faked) that is far less sticky than anything in the R-rated There's Something About Mary. That's Hollywood hypocrisy. You can blow a head off and get by with an R, but show someone giving head and you're acc... | More »

Miracle

Kurt Russell, Eddie Cahill, Patricia Clarkson, Noah Emmerich, Nathan West

Directed by: Gavin O'Connor

Rah-rah is in the DNA of this rousing film version of how the U.S. hockey team beat the world-champion Soviet Union at the 1980 Olympics. When the movie tugs too shamelessly and too long (the running time is 135 minutes) at the heartstrings, there's always Kurt Russell to provide the needed edge. Russell plays Minnesota hockey coach Herb Brooks and nails the guy from his accent to his helmet hair and tacky pants. Russell is one of the most underrated actors in the business — his ... | More »

February 2, 2004

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

4

Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jonathan Pryce

Directed by: Gore Verbinski

It could have been worse, but that's no excuse. Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Peal is a $125 million Jerry Bruckheimer epic that drags on for an unconscionable 143 minutes and buries its treasures — mainly Johnny Depp in eye shadow and dreads as Captain Jack Sparrow — in briny cliches. The pirate jinx is legendary: fond memories of Captain Blood, Treasure Island, and The Crimson Pirate wiped out by the scurvy Cutthroat Island, Pirates and Hook. Things don&... | More »

Evolution

David Duchovny, Orlando Jones, Julianne Moore, Seann William Scott, Sarah Silverman

Directed by: Ivan Reitman

Evolution captures a time when a New Wave band could ride cheapo synths and deformed masks to a major-label deal. Most of the clips evoke a nuclear winter where people are less devastated than just really weird: Though many "What the fuck?" moments abound, the clips are full of goofy energy and catchy tunes. Best is Mongoloid, a creepy short by cult filmmaker Bruce Connor that sets Fifties sci-fi clips to an anthem about a guy with Down syndrome. | More »

Yeah Right!

Rick Howard, Eric Koston, Mike Carroll

Directed by: Ty Evans, Spike Jonze

Formerly only available in skate shops, Yeah Right! is a skateboard film co-directed by Spike Jonze. Anyone could have filmed the gnarly street scenes, but only the twisted imagination of Jonze could have come up with Yeah Right!'s many cool touches. In itself, a super slo-mo close-up of a double kick flip is a sight to see, but watching a fifty-foot ollie across a street should get you scratching your head. In one stunning segment, the special-effects weirdness makes it look like one ri... | More »

January 29, 2004

The Big Bounce

2

Morgan Freeman, Owen Wilson

Directed by: George Armitage

Elmore Leonard, a giant among crime novelists, has had terrific movies made from his books (Out of Sight, Jackie Brown, Get Shorty), but this is definitely not one of them. The Big Bounce was royally screwed up by Hollywood in 1969 with Ryan O'Neal as the star. Now it's Owen Wilson who drops the ball as Jack, a con artist living in Hawaii who gets involved in a series of double- and triple-crosses orchestrated by a real estate developer (Gary Sinise), his wife (Bebe Neuwirth) and hi... | More »

Made-Up

6

Tony Shalhoub, Brooke Adams

Directed by: Tony Shaloub

This freshly imagined satire about the way we as a culture obsess about looks — hello, Extreme Makeover and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy — emerges as the fun surprise of the new movie year. Brooke Adams is deliciously comic and touching as Elizabeth, a former actress who gave up her career to be a wife and mother in Boston. Now her husband (Gary Sinise) has left her for a young babe, played by Light Eternity (crazy name, gifted performer). Elizabeth's teen daughter (Eva Amu... | More »

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