.

Winter's Tale

Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe, Jessica Brown Findlay

Directed by Akiva Goldsman
Rolling Stone: star rating
5 0
Community: star rating
5 0 0
February 14, 2014

A kick in the ass to Valentine's Day and the very notion of a satisfying Somewhere In Time kind of romantic wallow at the movies. What happens to Mark Helprin's 1983 bestseller at the hands of Hollywood is a crying shame. In his feature directing debut, Oscar-winning screenwriter Akiva Goldsman (A Beautiful Mind), creates a beautiful mess, an embarrassment of epic proportions. On deck is a supernatural love story that spans a century and even death, Colin Farrell—sporting the epitome of a bad haircut stars as Peter Lake. He's the son of immigrant parents who use a makeshift basket to send him ashore like an infant Moses at Ellis Island in 1895. By 1916, Peter is a thief, running from gangland boss Pearly Soames (a scowling Russell Crowe shouting in an indecipherable Irish brogue) with the help of a flying white horse. Hand to God, I'm not making this up. Pearly's scarred face morphs into demon shape when he's really pissed, which is often. His tantrums prompt a visit to the underground lair of Lucifer (Will Smith, following After Earth with another howling fiasco). But Lucifer won't interfere with Pearly's hunt for Peter who has now fallen hard for Beverly Penn, the dying daughter of a publishing tycoon (William Hurt). Findlay, the late Lady Sybil of Downton Abbey (let's hope she didn't leave that classic series for this!), has a breathtaking beauty that helps you suspend disbelief. But, sorry, not to this extent. Peter and Beverly's night of sexual union – her first and last – ends with an ageless Peter being swept into present-day New York where fate has him intervene in the life of a journalist (Jennifer Connolly) and her dying daughter. And then Eva Marie Saint, 89, shows up playing a figure from the past. And a star twinkles in the sky (could it be Beverly?). We're told in voiceover that everything is part of a grand pattern that we may one day understand. I'm calling bullshit. Winter's Tale is preposterous twaddle. Use it as a date movie only if you don't love the one you're with.

prev
Movie Review Main Next

ADD A COMMENT

Community Guidelines »
loading comments

loading comments...

COMMENTS

Sort by:
    Read More

    Movie Reviews

    • Child of God
      star rating
      Well Go USA Entertainment
    • lucy
      star rating
      Universal Pictures
    • star rating
      IFC Films
    More Reviews »
    Around the Web
    Powered By ZergNet
    Daily Newsletter

    Get the latest RS news in your inbox.

    Sign up to receive the Rolling Stone newsletter and special offers from RS and its
    marketing partners.

    X

    We may use your e-mail address to send you the newsletter and offers that may interest you, on behalf of Rolling Stone and its partners. For more information please read our Privacy Policy.

    Song Stories

    “Madame George”

    Van Morrison | 1968

    One of the first stream-of-consciousness epics to make it onto a Van Morrison record, his drawn-out farewell to the eccentric "Madame George" lasted nearly 10 minutes, combining ingredients from folk, jazz and classical music. The character that gave the song its title provoked speculation that it was about a drag queen, though Morrison denied this in Rolling Stone. "If you see it as a male or a female or whatever, it's your trip," he remarked. "I see it as a ... a Swiss cheese sandwich. Something like that."

    More Song Stories entries »
    www.expandtheroom.com