Credit: Strand Releasing

Dump the kids and lock up Grandma, Wetlands is here to freak out the prudes and make "dirty" fun again. That it does. You won't find a better movie anywhere that features a teen girl using her crotch to wipe a public toilet seat. If I still have your attention, I want to point out that Wetlands, based on the hot-button bestseller by German TV personality Charlotte Roche, is way more than two hours of eww, gross. It's true that young director David Wnendt, who wrote the screenplay with Claus Falkenberg, shares the novel's fixation with vaginal fluids. But Helen Memel, the 18-year-old sexual insurgent who expresses herself vividly in voice-over narration, will not be reduced to a sopping she-monkey. That's because actress Carla Juri, age 27 during filming, is a blazing wonder as Helen. Whether Helen, in tandem with her bff Corinna (Marlen Kruse), is trying to turn on guys by dabbing on her own "pussy mucous" or using vegetables in ways that are not nutritious, Juri defines the words raw and riveting. It's Helen's DIY attempt to operate on her hemorrhoids that lands her in the hospital and feeds her desire to reconcile her divorced parents (Meret Becker and Axel Milberg). Sweet? Kind of. Also liberating and ferociously comic. There's no chance you'll mistake Wetlands for Pretty Little Liars with graphic sex and subtitles. This no-bull spellbinder is allergic to sentiment. Unlike porn, Wetlands keeps its humanity intact. And if Oscar didn't have a stick up his ass, Juri would be a nominee for Best Actress. Yup, she's that good. Your move.