You haven't lived until you see Kim Basinger, everybody's favorite bankrupt newlywed, playing a hardened felon leaving the slammer after six years and sparkling like she's just spent six hours in hair and makeup. Basinger's glam bank-robber look should tip you off to the formula graveyard ahead in The Real McCoy, which was written by William Davies and William Osborne — the perpetrators of Sylvester Stallone's epically unfunny Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Director Russell Mulcahy (Ricochet) also works strenuously to avoid any hint of originality. Basinger plays Karen McCoy, a cat burglar who tries to go straight by working in a laundry (Kim in a kerchief with attractively applied beads of sweat is another howl). Wouldn't you know that slimeball Terence Stamp forces her to engineer an $18 million bank heist by kidnapping her young son. As her klutzy accomplice, Val Kilmer gets the bimbo role — he takes off his shirt, she leaves hers on. The biggest con job ventured by The Real McCoy is fleecing suckers out of the price of a ticket.

“1999”

“I don’t consider myself a great poet,” Prince told Rolling Stone. “I just know I’m here to say what’s on my mind.” In the case of the apocalyptic party anthem “1999,” he was worried about then-president Ronald Reagan’s foreign policies. The song’s melody is based on a riff borrowed from the Mamas and Papas’ “Monday, Monday,” and Prince originally envisioned the first verse with three-part harmony but later split the vocals between himself and members of the Revolution. Because Warner Bros., with whom Prince was locked in a contractual battle, owned the original’s masters, Prince rerecorded the song and appropriately released that version in 1999.