In this corner, Mike Myers, the sharp comic mind behind Austin Powers and countless SNL skits. Handicap: His edge has been blunted from lack of use over five years, except for voicing an ogre in the Shrek trilogy. Here, as Guru Pitka, an American-born rival to Deepak Chopra in love therapy, he repeats lame jokes in a singsong accent until you want to scream. His formal greeting is "Mariska Hargitay." His mentor is Guru Tugginmypudha (Sir Ben Kingsley). He helps Jessica Alba, the unlikely owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs, deal with libidinous goalie Jacques "Le Coq" Grande (Justin Timberlake). Ninety minutes pass like an eternity. Verdict: Down for the count.

“Everyday People”

"Everyday People" managed to trailblaze in two different ways -- it was one of the first pop hits to deal with the subject of racial harmony, and it utilized Larry Graham's "slap" technique on the bass guitar, which would soon be copied by countless other bassists. Graham once said about his pulsating style, "I'd never done that before … that's where the freedom of creativity came in for the band, that we'd be allowed to do that." In 1978, the song's line "Different strokes for different folks" would be borrowed for the title of the hit television show Diff'rent Strokes.