In this corner, Mike Myers, the sharp comic mind behind Austin Powers and countless SNL skits. Handicap: His edge has been blunted from lack of use over five years, except for voicing an ogre in the Shrek trilogy. Here, as Guru Pitka, an American-born rival to Deepak Chopra in love therapy, he repeats lame jokes in a singsong accent until you want to scream. His formal greeting is "Mariska Hargitay." His mentor is Guru Tugginmypudha (Sir Ben Kingsley). He helps Jessica Alba, the unlikely owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs, deal with libidinous goalie Jacques "Le Coq" Grande (Justin Timberlake). Ninety minutes pass like an eternity. Verdict: Down for the count.