Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

The chainsaw was invented and patented in 1926 by Joseph Buford Cox and Andreas Stihl. I thought you should know this dull fact because it's the only damn thing left for Hollywood to exploit in a movie. This putridly written, directed and acted prequel tells the story of Thomas Hewitt, born in 1939 and destined to go on to fame as Leatherface (Andrew Bryniarski), the masked killer who makes a name for himself and his power tool by chopping up sexy strangers who wander into his grungy Texas slaughterhouse. Jordana Brewster plays the babe who survives the longest. You can see every turn in the plot coming for miles. Attention sadists: Demand more from your gorefests than this pro forma return to the well. Has mass murder ever been this dull?

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