Aliens attack Earth disguised as characters from 1980s video games. Right, Pac-Man and Donkey Kong want to kill us. Our only hope lies with arcade geeks now grown up but still immature and played by Adam Sandler, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage and Kevin James (he's the president). Director Chris Columbus surely hopes that today's teen gamers, hooked on Halo and Call of Duty, will care about what happened 30 years ago. That's iffy, unless 13-year-olds think it's a scream when Dinklage asks to be part of a sex sandwich with Serena Williams and Martha Stewart, who both do cameos. Yikes! I saw Pixels as a 3D metaphor for Hollywood's digital assault on our eyes and brains. Not funny. Just relentless and exhausting.