New Moon

Swooning tweens of all ages and sexes will work themselves into a lather deciding whether to join Team Edward (that's sometimes-shirtless vampire Edward Cullen, played by Robert Pattinson) or Team Jacob (that's perpetually shirtless werewolf Jacob Black, played by Taylor Lautner). Sign me up for Team Confused, since this is now the second film in Stephenie Meyer's four-book Twilight saga that fails to ignite the flame of Meyer's overheated prose.

Catherine Hardwicke, who directed the first film, better caught the virginal yearning in Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), the high school girl torn between both monsters. Chris Weitz, the director of New Moon, pumps up the action as Jacob turns into an unconvincing digital wolf. I can't comment on the acting because I didn't catch Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner doing any. They basically primp and pose through the same humdrum motions they did before.

Late in the film, a real actor, Michael Sheen (Frost/Nixon), shows up as the mind-reading Aro, of the Italian Volturi vampires, and sparks things up. You can almost hear the young cast thinking, "Is that acting? It looks hard." So Sheen is quickly ushered out, and New Moon begins swanning toward certain box-office glory. Ever since True Blood glamoured me, Twilight seems even more sexless and toothless. I prefer my undead with a little life in them.

From The Archives Issue 264: May 4, 1978
x