This unholy mess replaces the artful ambition of The American with torture, blood spray, kinky sex, twisted fun and a bizarro critique of U.S. policy on illegal immigration. It's a digital gorefest that expands on the faux trailer Robert Rodriguez included in Grindhouse, the 2007 exploitation epic he unleashed with pal Quentin Tarantino. Rodriguez and co-director Ethan Maniquis revel in the glorious sight of Mexican-American actor Danny Trejo as Machete, a former federale out to kill a drug lord (a never-lumpier Steven Seagal) and assassinate a corrupt Texas senator (a never-hammier Robert De Niro). Trejo, 66, looks like four miles of torn-up road, but here he is convincingly kicking pretty-boy ass and bedding hotties such as Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and, omfg, Lindsay Lohan. Is he redeemed? Your senses will be too numb to care. Just to hear Trejo deadpan the line "Machete don't text" is tasty compensation.
- Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan
- Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis
Around the Web
Powered By ZergNet
Around the Web
AskMenThe Top 99 Outstanding Women of 2015
Men's Journal12 Things Every Man Should Know About His Penis
The Daily BeastInside the Racy 'Sex Box' Reality Show
Men's Journal7 Reasons You Should Quit Facebook in 2015
Salon5 Mysteries We Hope the “X-Files” Reboot Will Resolve
Cinema Blend10 Great Movies To Watch Before Netflix Gets Rid Of Them On April 1
- The Neverending Nightmare of Amanda Knox
- New Tupac Music From the Vaults Headed for Release
- The Children of ISIS
- The Gangster Princess of Beverly Hills
- Weekend Rock Question: What's the Best Van Halen Album?
- Dr. Dre Talks N.W.A Biopic, Eazy-E's Death, Eminem and Making New Music
- James Taylor's Mellow Rebirth: Inside 'Before This World'
- Watch George Lucas Mock Fox News on 'The Daily Show'