In this corner, Mike Myers, the sharp comic mind behind Austin Powers and countless SNL skits. Handicap: His edge has been blunted from lack of use over five years, except for voicing an ogre in the Shrek trilogy. Here, as guru Pitka, an American-born rival to Deepak Chopra in love therapy, he repeats lame jokes in a singsong accent until you want to scream. His formal greeting is "Mariska Hargitay." His mentor is guru Tugginmypudha (Sir Ben Kingsley). He helps Jessica Alba, the unlikely owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs, deal with libidinous goalie Jacques "Le Coq" grande (Justin Timberlake). Ninety minutes pass like an eternity. Verdict: Down for the count.

“Youth Knows No Pain”

“Like on 'Youth Knows No Pain' — we are the ones that should demonstrate, because we can take it,” Likke Li said. “We can pierce ourselves, take Ecstasy, dance all night and still go to work at our McDonald's jobs.” Despite the hedonistic sentiment in the song, the Swedish singer also admitted in hindsight her youth had repercussions. “I remember when I was 18-19 and feeling that I know it all,” Li said. “I always feel that I know it all. But that song is about realizing you don’t, and reflecting, ‘Boy, if I only knew what would follow.’”