If you've turned on TV in the last week, you've been bombarded with mind-numbing commercials for this living hell of a movie about two people — perky pastry girl Holly (Katherine Heigl) and pervy sports guy Messer (Josh Duhamel) — who hate each other until they inherit a baby when the kid's parents die in a car crash.

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Cue the poopy diapers that make two lovers of foes. I wanted to throw a fully-loaded Pamper at the screen. Heigl and Duhamel, on the shoals of once promising careers, struggle mightily to persuade us they are playing humans. But the machine that grinded out this drool possesses nothing resembling a soul. This is crap as we know it, a 113 minute package of romcom suck.

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“Alison”

On Elvis Costello’s country-tinged ballad, the lyric does not get too sentimental in recalling an ex who had since been with one of the singer's "little friends" and is now married. Some believe the song is about murder, due to lines like “Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking,” "Somebody better put out the big light" and, of course, "My aim is true,” which became the title of Costello's debut album. In 2002, Costello told Rolling Stone, “It isn’t [about murder]. It’s about disappointing somebody. It’s a thin line between love and hate, as the Persuaders sang.”