Getaway

When Macbeth said, "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing," he must have had visions about Courtney Solomon's Getaway, a car chase thriller with zero thrills and a stench that all the perfumes of Arabia couldn't erase. How sad that Ethan Hawke, who should know better, agreed to star in this belching exhaust pipe of nonstop toxicity. Hawke plays Brent Magra, a former NASCAR driver racing a Shelby Mustang through the pedestrian-clogged streets of Bulgaria. Why? Because Jon Voight, playing a voice on the phone, insisted. Why? Because the voice needs something and has kidnapped the driver's wife to make sure he gets it. So there goes Brent, careening through Sofia park at Christmas time as shoppers dive for cover and police cars prove helpless to catch up. Then Selena Gomez, looking like a Munchkin in a hoodie, tries to steal the car at gunpoint. Why? Because the dumbass script told her to. Why does she keep calling Brent and everyone else in the movie an asshole? Because she's right. For 89 minutes that feel like 89 hours, cars speed out of control and crash doing only PG-13 damage. The damage to your brain while watching it is incalculable. And so the movie summer of 2013 ends this Labor Day weekend with a wipeout.