Do we really need another vampire movie? Well, this one is based on a popular tweener series of a dozen books by British writer Darren Shan. Director and co-writer Paul Weitz claims he loves the series, and Weitz's credits — he and his brother Chris Weitz gave us American Pie and About a Boy — got my attention. But the mess onscreen does no one any favors. The Cirque du Freak itself has flavor with sexy Salma Hayek as the bearded lady, 30 Rock's Jane Krakowski as a limb regenerator and especially stage actor supreme Michael Cerveris (Tommy, Sweeney Todd), swathed in foam rubber as the fatso villain, Mr. Tiny. Newcomer Chris Massoglia plays Darren, the blind teen who gets involved with the freaks (it's not that I can't tell you how, I just don't want to). But Darren does get bitten by redheaded vampire Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly, giving the film the few laughs it has). Actually, Darren is only halfbitten. Hell, I'm not explaining that, either. All you need to know is that the movie is a setup for sequels that I hope never come. Jammed with story threads that don't cohere, Cirque commits the cardinal sin for a vampire movie: It's bloodless.
Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
- Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
- John C. Riley, Salma Hayek, Michael Ceveris
- Directed by Paul Weitz
Around the Web
Powered By ZergNet
Around the Web
AskMenThe Top 99 Outstanding Women of 2015
Men's Journal12 Things Every Man Should Know About His Penis
The Daily BeastInside New York’s Most ‘Elite’ Sex Party
Men's Journal7 Reasons You Should Quit Facebook in 2015
Salon5 Mysteries We Hope the “X-Files” Reboot Will Resolve
Cinema Blend10 Great Movies To Watch Before Netflix Gets Rid Of Them On April 1
- The Children of ISIS
- Rihanna Asserts Her Dominance on New Song 'Bitch Better Have My Money'
- Dr. Dre Talks N.W.A Biopic, Eazy-E's Death, Eminem and Making New Music
- Roger Daltrey: 'I Want Us to Stop at the Top of Our Game'
- Sara Evans Blasts Fox's 'Last Man on Earth': 'I Was Thoroughly Disgusted'
- Andy Summers on the Police: 'We Were the Most Desirable Men in the World'
- The Gangster Princess of Beverly Hills
- Flashback: The Unedited 'Boats 'N Hoes' Video From 'Step Brothers'