Bride Wars

The first big-studio movie released in 2009 has a damn fine chance of being the worst. Bride Wars isn't just chick-flick hell for guys, it should numb the skulls of moviegoers of all sexes and ages. Poor Anne Hathaway has this bottomfeeder playing while Academy voters are considering her great performance in Rachel Getting Married for a Best Actress Oscar. Let me saythat Hathaway doesn't dishonor herself the way Eddie Murphy did when the opening of the repulsive Norbit shut down his chances at Oscar gold for Dreamgirls. Hathaway, give a cheer, plays this flatulent farce as if it were real. Not so her costar Kate Hudson, also one of the film's producers, who hits one long strident note matched only by the script, which took three writers to shriek out. Hathaway and Hudson play bffs since kidhood. They share the goal of finding the right man and getting married at Manhattan'sposh, old-world Plaza Hotel. When wedding planner Candice Bergen tells them there's only one date available in June, the brides-to-be go to war, willing to cut the other's throat to score the date. One dyes the other's hair blue.One spray tans the other the orange color of Larry King. Nice message about female friendship, huh? The male characters have it worse, being written and cast and acted like wallpaper. The jokes go on laboriously with director Gary Winick showing none of the zip he brought to Tadpole. Hell, there is no zip in all of Bride Wars. Like a bridezilla reality show, it plays to the lowest level of taste. Watch it rake in the cash. God bless America.

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