How do I hate "Armageddon"? Let me count the ways. I hate it to the depth and breadth and height of its greedy confidence that a jumbo promotion budget (reportedly a record $100 million) can herd an audience into anything — even a formulaic epic about an asteroid the size of Texas that's on a collision course with Earth. This despite the fact that a similar collection of space clichés was launched back in May, in Deep Impact.

I hate Armageddon for what it is: the unholy spawn of The Dirty Dozen and Con Air. What else do you call a tired plot about hard-ass oil drillers, led by Bruce Willis, who take a crash course in NASA astronaut training so they can land on the asteroid, drill a big hole, plug in a nuclear device and save the world in exchange for never again paying taxes?

I hate Armageddon freely, as anyone should who sees solid actors — Willis. Billy Bob Thornton, Will Patton, the great Steve Buscemi — squandering their talent for a fat paycheck. As for the dud romance between Willis' screen daughter (Liv Tyler) and the crew's stud muffin (Ben Affleck), is this mawkish muck the price we have to pay for the record success of Titanic?

I hate Armageddon purely, for the impure direction of Michael Bay, who thinks frantic cutting covers sins of omission in character, substance and imagination. I shall hate Armageddon even more if it goes on, as predicted, to be the biggest hit of the summer. Don't let it happen, people. For all mankind.

“1999”

“I don’t consider myself a great poet,” Prince told Rolling Stone. “I just know I’m here to say what’s on my mind.” In the case of the apocalyptic party anthem “1999,” he was worried about then-president Ronald Reagan’s foreign policies. The song’s melody is based on a riff borrowed from the Mamas and Papas’ “Monday, Monday,” and Prince originally envisioned the first verse with three-part harmony but later split the vocals between himself and members of the Revolution. Because Warner Bros., with whom Prince was locked in a contractual battle, owned the original’s masters, Prince rerecorded the song and appropriately released that version in 1999.