The full moon has all sorts of tricks up its sleeves in "I Wish I Was the Moon," an episode that means unpredictable behaviors for all of the Bon Temps-area supernaturals. But the common thread appears to be honesty — some species are practicing it; others are strictly avoiding it. As everyone shifts (or not, as the case turns out), the atmosphere raises the question: Is honesty really the best policy?
Bill's hatred of Eric hasn't been deterred by Eric's amnesia; if anything, the spell has given the king more fuel to get rid of his least-loved sheriff. When the episode kicks off, Bill speeds over to Sookie's, interrupting her and Eric's steamy session. It's not a good look for anyone — especially Eric, who has no idea who Bill is. After a near-fatal battle (Eric's strength is still firmly intact), Bill exerts his kingly power and takes Eric into custody. Sookie protests all the way, throwing Bill's theories back in his face: "You have a hell of a nerve lecturing me on lying." But it's too late. Bill tells her it's "strictly business. Vampire business," and that she will be arrested if she sets foot on his property again. Then Bill promptly fills in an impressed Nan and requests permission to impose the true death on Eric under the theory that he's more dangerous now as a potential weapon to the witches ("I suppose you're really broken up about it," she comments).
In Bill's holding chambers, Eric is finally reunited with Pam, who is both apologetic and bitter ("Fuck you! Pieces of me are falling off. I'm pissed!"). She also fills him in on how the old Eric saw things: "[Bill]'s a self-loathing, whore-hungry pompous little dork. And you hate his guts. You are a Viking vampire god and you bow to no one." But her words do no good: Eric doesn't want to remember the things he's done. "I'm not the vampire you think I am. Not anymore." The shtick (sometimes Amnesia Eric is so good he reminds us of Old Eric's conniving ways) holds up when the time has come at the end of the episode for Bill to kill him. Eric continues to plead his changed ways and profess his seemingly sincere hope for Bill and Sookie to reunite as we are reminded for the umpteenth time that maybe, just maybe, Bill and Sookie still have feelings for each other when the Viking isn't around. And when — surprise! — Bill releases Eric, and, at Eric's request, the continually decomposing Pam, Eric runs to find Sookie in the woods where they (FINALLY) make passionate love amongst the who-knows-what creatures. Bill, of course, is left alone, reflective on his porch. Power isn't everything it's cracked up to be.
Marnie, in captivity, tries again and again to conjure her spirit goddess. It's finally show time when we get another flashback of Antonia and the vampire priests feeding on her and raping her before she is put on the stake and uses necromancy for revenge. Antonia then appears to Marnie in Marnie's cell and then Marnie ingests her, transforming more in her behaviors than actual physical being: Meek Marnie is now All Powerful Witch Marnie all the time, instead of just selectively when the spirit chooses to be in her. This is no more apparent than at the end of the episode when Sheriff Louis, whose maker died at Antonia's actions all those hundreds of years ago, goes into Marnie's cell to kill her — but All Powerful Witch Marnie brings Louis under her spell.
Meanwhile, in Mexico, Jesus and Lafayette are having an uneasy breakfast with Jesus' grandfather and his girlfriend. Jesus and his grandfather converse in rapid Spanish, and his grandfather agrees to help if Jesus first brings him a sacrifice. Lafayette remains skeptical as he and Jesus go to collect the sacrifice, not getting that it must be the right one — until they find a snake. Turns out the Mayans worshipped the snake as the gateway to the spirit realm. Jesus' grandfather accurately pegs Marnie as one who turns to bloodletting, as he partakes in the behavior — and accurately states that Marnie wants possession and will get it. Lafayette and Jesus don't buy it and Grandfather gets pissed ("You don't even know what you need. Fucking idiots.") then sticks the snake on Jesus, drops it into a fire and leaves, telling Lafayette to protect Jesus. In his weak moment, Lafayette is possessed by the spirit of who appears to be Jesus' Tio Luca, casts a spell in fluent Spanish and remembers nothing when Jesus wakes up healed. Clearly it looks like Jesus' grandfather has mastered the very spells that Marnie has accidentally stumbled onto — but how his knowledge will help defeat the witch remains an eerie mystery.
Arlene and Terry wake up in the middle of their mysterious house fire and make a hasty exit, sans Mikey, who they can't find anywhere — until Arlene's other kids report Mikey was sitting on the lawn, waiting for all of them with Jessica's old baby doll by his side. He moves in mysterious ways. As Arlene gratefully clutches him, we see what appears to be the ghost of a tall black woman appear, capture Mikey's attention and disappear. This seems to be somehow connected to the doll, but it's unclear how yet. Andy is still riding high on V, so much so that he superhero lifts Holly's super heavy chair and awkwardly turns her invite for a thank-you burger into a date. Witch + High-on-V sheriff = true love? We've seen weirder things on this show.
Meanwhile, Tara is petrified and alone at Lafayette's — until Naomi shows up to confront her . . . and then make up with her. There's a small amount of Tara's carefree attitude that returns and is almost lovely; but then her persona is bogged down again by the woes that made her want to escape Bon Temps. The whole routine is so tired at this point that we can't help but wonder why exactly Tara has stuck around. The only answer this episode presents is that she's an easy target for Pam, who's out seeking something to put her anger on and just so happens to find Tara and Naomi in the Merlotte's parking lot ready to be attacked.
While Sam is off tending to the aftermath of the Arlene and Terry's fire (it happened in his development), he leaves Tommy in charge of opening the bar. But before that can happen, Tommy goes into in a fit of fury over the small issue of killing his parents and it turns out that he's a skinwalker! Cue dramatic realization music (reminder: skinwalkers are shifters like Luna who can turn into humans, but only after killing their mothers) and the small hope that the shifter plotline is about to get more interesting.
So far this episode involves Tommy freaked out and bitter (again, but at least it's because of something new), which awkwardly shines through Sam's normally easy-going personality. We also see Tommy feeling some remorse over the way he treated Maxine Fortenberry when, as Sam, he is privy to Maxine's blunt insult of Tommy: "hat boy is dumber than a bucket of spit and just as useful. If you see him, tell him he's dead to me." The hits just keep on coming when Luna finally comes over to follow her threat of seduction through, scary werewolf ex-boyfriends and small children be damned. After having sex that she describes as "different than I expected" Tommy feels his shift back to his real self coming on and turns on his asshole charm (this time we can't blame him) to get her out. She angrily leaves and Sam comes home to find Tommy passed out next to a pool of his own vomit.
Turns out Jason won't be turning into a werepanther like he thought — Alcide and Debbie tell Sookie that you can only be born a were, not turned into one. We're not buying it just yet, but after handcuffing himself to his bed to deal with the the feared shift into a big black cat, Jason had two heart-to-hearts: one with his ever-loyal sister, Sookie, who needed a moment to process the existence of werepanthers in the ever-expanding supernatural realm before offering solid sisterly advice: "You can't run from what's inside you, but it might be a blessing if you let it. and I'll be here to help you any way I can." The other with the object of his inappropriate dreams, Jessica, whose blood bond with Jason only means verrrrry interesting things are in store. She attempts to serve as his mentor for unwanted changes, confirming the day she became a vamp was the worst day of her life — but she wouldn't go back and change it. When it becomes obvious that Jason won't be shifting, they awkwardly part ways, agreeing to not share their little pow-wow with Hoyt.
Alcide returns home to find the Shreveport packmaster waiting for him with Debbie. Turns out Debbie has joined the pack and she wants Alcide to do the same. "This pack needs a wolf like you," the packmaster tells Alcide. After the packmaster leaves, Alcide calls Debbie out: "Same old Debbie. Just when our lives were getting back on track, you had to go and fuck it up." But Debbie provides a halfway logical argument: Alcide can't be her whole world, given how well that worked out for everyone last time. In the end, her logic prevails as Alcide accepts the invitation to run with the Shreveport pack that night at the full moon (and give Sookie a crash-course in weres along the way). So far, we're merely getting glimpses into wolf life, which can only mean that there's something much larger in store. Will Debbie revert to her old ways in the process? Seems like it's a surefire possibility, but maybe that's just 'cause we're bored with her "No, Alcide, I really have changed!" mantra.
Favorite Couple: Jason and Jessica's growing dynamic brings a new light to both of these characters. While we can't help but feel sorry for Hoyt, we also can't help but root for this Vamp/Panther relationship to continue developing.
Losing Species of the Week: The humans. It's about time we start getting answers, or at least different consequences, for Andy, Tara and demon baby Mikey.
Winning Species of the Week: The vampires. They remain the most emotionally complex — and thus endlessly entertaining — supernaturals of the bunch. Even though this week's plots aired on the side of anger and sadness, Sookie and Eric finally hooked up. So, you know, yay!
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