Worst Comedy: Eddie Murphy takes the sexist, racist prize for Norbit, playing three characters, including an obese woman, under tons of latex. No hiding, Eddie. You're busted.
Worst Epic: So much here, but let's go with Evan Almighty, a big-budget Noah's Ark update that sticks gifted Steve Carell with animals that defecate for real. Ditto the movie.
Worst Star Vehicle: Jim Carrey is unintentionally hilarious in The Number 23, just edging out Lindsay Lohan in the sappy Georgia Rule.
Worst Family Film: If you can endure Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium for five minutes without puking, your stomach is cast-iron.
Worst Soft-Core Sex: There is no denying that a nearly naked Christina Ricci looks tasty even when chained to a radiator by Samuel L. Jackson. But the religioso psychobabble of Black Snake Moan is too big a price to pay. Get the poster instead, and drool.
Worst Remake: It has to be The Heartbreak Kid, in which Ben Stiller and the Farrelly brothers drown the wit and wisdom of Elaine May's 1972 original in an ocean of crude stupidity.
Worst Anti-War Film: Rendition uses star names (Meryl Streep, Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, Alan Arkin) to decry the U.S. policy of torturing suspected terrorists in foreign prisons, then revels in showing us the torture. And they wonder why audiences stayed home.
The Michael Bay Award for Worst Soul-Sucking Dumb-Ass Bottom Feeder: Bay almost had it for Transformers — nobody does bull like Bay, he rocks it — but I'm going with Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End for illustrating just how low talent will sink for a big fat payday.
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