The Best and Worst Movies of 1995

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Oh, what Schlock Riches await us in this crowded field. Still, no one could steal the sleaze prize from writer Joe Eszterhas, who easily captures the two top positions.

1. Showgirls: What scene from this toxic NC-17 clinker lingers most? The talentless Elizabeth Berkley licking that pole? The lesbians-in-leather S/M dance number? Alan Rachins passing out ice cubes so the showgirls could make their nipples as erect as his slimy dick? So much to say, so little time.

2. Jade: a charming Eszterhas thesis film that labors to prove women are all whores at heart. It proves only that good actors Linda Fiorentino, David Caruso and Chazz Palminteri must have been sooo desperate.

3. Powder: This may be the only 1995 film written and directed by a convicted child molester. It's a self-pitying fable about an albino boy (Sean Patrick Flanery) alienated from his teen peers, who get to run around with their shirts off. How fun! How camp!

4. The Scarlet Letter: And the hits keep coming. Here's Demi Moore adding nudity, masturbation and fucking in the grain shed to Nathaniel Hawthorne's classic novel of Puritan life in 1642. Get with it, Nate.

5. Copycat: Let's turn Sigourney Weaver into a target for a serial killer and Holly Hunter into a cop who offs him. That's class!

6. Jefferson in Paris: The Merchant-Ivory team got into the kink trade with this look at old Tom (Nick Nolte) and his slave mistress (Thandie Newton). It was dull anyway.

7. Nine Months: a sleazy Hugh Grant comedy overshadowed by an even sleazier Hugh Grant blow job. And they said Divine Brown wouldn't last.

8. Fair Game: See Cindy Crawford jiggle.

9. Species: See a blond alien get naked.

10. Waterworld: no explanation required.

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