What's that you say? Two hours of B-level reality TV just won't suffice? Yes, Celebrity Apprentice was on for THREE hours last night. What, besides watching this show, could you do in three hours time? Well, a lot. But on to the recap!
In the preview of this week’s episode, we were promised two firings and someone voluntarily leaving the show. When we left off, Patricia Velasquez had just gotten the ax. But not everyone agrees with the decision. "The person that should have gotten fired tonight is Dayana,” Aubrey O'Day says of model Dayana Mendoza. Perhaps Debbie Gibson best sums up the current state of the women's squad: "We have an emotionally-charged, dysfunctional team."
As always, last week's winning project manager – in this case, Clay Aiken – delivers a check to a charity: $50K going to the Natural Inclusion Project, and Aiken looks thoroughly in his element being nice.
This week's task? Both teams must design a guide to New York and then sell it on the street. A "special celebrity judge" will decide which team has the best pamphlet. Really, though, it's all about the money -- yet another instance of simply seeing which team has friends with deeper pockets. Whichever team brings in more cash wins.
Teresa Giudice is PM for the women; Dee Snider takes the lead for the men. Making the pamphlets is a fairly straightforward process for both teams. The men go on the roof of Trump Tower and take goofy-looking pictures highlighting specific NYC neighborhoods, an idea conceived by Penn Jillette. Aiken thinks Snider is drinking the Jillette Kool-Aid. "I don't know if it's his entire head," Aiken says of Snider, "but at least Dee's forehead is up Penn's ass!"
The women, meanwhile, head out on location to take pictures at specific places. Lisa Lampanelli, never one to mince words, is already frustrated with her teammates. "There's no way they know how much I hate them right now!" she says. (Oh, but we do Lisa. We do.) Later, when Lampanelli is working with a graphic designer on the pamphlet, she lashes out at Mendoza. "Develop a talent and a brain and then maybe the world will take you seriously!" Lampanelli yells.
Both teams are in full fundraising mode when they hit the street the next morning to hawk their pamphlets. Big donors come out for both teams: Former contestant Michael Andretti drops off $20K to the men, and Blue Man Group show up, fill a balloon with cash, and explode it on the street. The team can't collect all the money, and random people begin snatching up the dough – to which we see images of what a strip club stage must look like after a rapper makes it rain. Arsenio Hall is quite upset – Jay Leno had promised to send over a blank check, but it arrives too late. On the women’s side, Jeff Foxworthy donates $5K, Giudice's husband drops by with big bucks and Mendoza also snags some big donors. Things look good for both squads.
We now learn Regis Philbin is the aforementioned "celebrity guest judge," set to pick his favorite pamphlet. In the boardroom, things instantly get juicy: Lampanelli calls out nearly everyone on her team, and Giudice tells Gibson her shirt is too low-cut. The men, per usual, don't have much to say about one another.
Trump reveals the results. Philbin picked the women's pamphlet as the winner, so they get $35K from Toshiba to add to their total. But it doesn’t matter: the men edge out the women by a mere $14 with a grand total of $162,869. Giudice, now as the losing PM, brings back Mendoza and Gibson to the boardroom. She thinks the former is weak and the latter only occasionally delivers. When all three are back in the boardroom, Giudice says Gibson is only talented "in singing . . . maybe." Trump explains that Giudice made a mistake by not bringing O'Day back to the boardroom – she was the one who raised the least amount of money. But Trump has to work with the options to which he’s presented. To that end, he proceeds to can Gibson. Afterwards, the Eighties pop star is sad, but still confident. "Mr. Trump can't fire me from being Debbie Gibson," she says. That’s one way to look at it.
On to task two! Since the women have lost seemingly every challenge, Trump decides to mix up the teams. Lampanelli and Mendoza are now with Lou Ferrigno, Jillette and Snider, while O'Day and Giudice are with Paul Teutul Sr., Hall and Aiken. The next task? Create a live interactive health segment for Walgreens that both promotes the benefits of walking and touts the company’s new program, Walk With Walgreens. Hall is one PM and Ferrigno the other. The winning team gets $50K.
Hall and O' ay, now teammates, instantly butt heads. "She's a narcissistic piece of work," Hall says. O'Day, while certainly creative, takes charge for much of the task, often not letting Hall get a word in. This clearly gets under his, and other team members', skin.
Things aren't much better on the other squad. At one point, Lampanelli, speaking about her new teammate Ferrigno, turns to the camera – right in front of Ferrigno, no less – and mutters, "It'll be so sad when he goes home tomorrow."
Both teams must design a box for the Walking With Walgreens program. Hall's team goes with a design featuring each of their faces; Ferrigno's goes for a more sleek, professional look. Presentation-wise, Hall's team does a game show that promotes the benefits of walking; Ferrigno's team goes for a mix of heartfelt confession and lighthearted comedy.
Each team's presentation goes smoothly – that is, other than when Jillette says Walmart instead of Walgreens, which appears to send this task's guest judge, Allison Sweeny of The Biggest Loser, into temporary cardiac arrest.
For the second time this evening, we're now back in the boardroom. Before learning if his team won or lost, Aresenio Hall lets loose on O'Day: He’s had enough of her self-centered behavior. "Her whole personality is about Aubrey," he says. O’Day fires back. "I admired him on television. I don't admire him anymore," she says. It doesn’t even matter. Hall's team chalks up the win. O’Day, however, has had enough. She storms off, gets in the elevator where all good celebrities go to die, and seems to indicate she’s leaving the show!
Back in the boardroom, Ferrigno, whose team lost, chooses to bring back Mendoza and Snider for potential firing. Ferrigno says Snider did not give 110 percent (nope, only 100) and Dayana, well, she's just Dayana, so she should probably be up for elimination, right? Trump presses Ferrigno as to why, as the project manager, he shouldn't be fired. Ferrigno is now sweating profusely – perhaps because Snider describes him as "limited" in ability.
In the end, however, Snider, whose box design the Walgreens execs felt was not up to par, is the one who's fired. "I hate to fire people," Trump says, surely realizing the absurdity of the statement.
Next Week: Did O’Day really leave? Is Lampanelli out for blood? It’s so intense we can hardly type.
Last episode: Let the Mocking Begin
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