This season of Celebrity Apprentice may not boast the most impressive or cast of characters – sorry, but who are Dayana Mendoza and Patricia Velasquez again? – but leave it to Donald Trump to create drama out of thin air. Yes, it's week four: Let the fat-trimming begin!
Last week, Arsenio Hall and Lou Ferrigno were visibly shaken upon returning from the boardroom after Trump sent Star Trek star George Takei back to the mother ship. It was the first loss of the season for the men's team, but it most definitely wasn't their last.
In fact, the men so spectacularly failed this week that the Donald fired not one but two of them in the boardroom. And here's how it all went down.
To begin, the teams are tasked with helping introduce the all-new Buick Verano by putting together a presentation and Q&A session in front of a live audience. They will be judged on informational content, brand messaging and overall creativity. The winning team's project manager will receive $50,000 for his or her charity. Not bad for a day's work.
When it comes time to pick project managers, the women feel they're at a disadvantage because they're just "a bunch of chicks." Why in the world would they excel at a task like this, they wonder, even though I can only assume most (if not all) of them drive, or have at least been in, a car? Way to undersell yourselves, ladies.
Despite the oh-so-obvious gender-based handicap (insert eye-roll here), they choose pop singer Debbie Gibson – and her distracting, hot pink and baby blue, straight-from-the-Eighties makeup – to lead the charge.
When the men announce their project manager, Trump is shocked to hear they're going with funnyman Adam Carolla rather than race car driver Michael Andretti. Makes perfect sense, right? Sure, why not. This show's not about winning or anything.
After sitting down with the execs, the women come up with the slogan "We Are All Buick," and they plan to emphasize the "heart" of the car by sharing their personal stories. Of course, it isn't a total breeze tying everything together: some of the women (ahem, Tia Carrere) feel left out of the decision-making process because they aren't invited to ride in the "cool kid" van.
On the flipside, the men struggle to come up with a cohesive concept. Things get off to a rocky start with the execs when Adam makes some off-color comments . . . right after the execs make it perfectly clear they don't want the presentation to be like a "beer commercial." No one on the team screams "class" more than Carolla, right?
After floating some odd ideas, like Lou Ferrigno's suggestion that he dress as his signature character the Hulk, Adam latches onto that totally unwanted "beer commercial" mentality and runs with it. He thinks it's a great idea to have the rest of the celebs play foul-mouthed hecklers who interrupt his presentation and take over the Q&A. All they're missing now are some dick and fart jokes to really make them shine.
When it's time for the presentations, the women parade out one at a time, telling personal stories that highlight features of the car. Singer Aubrey O'Day thinks it's a bit "gimmicky," just a platform for Debbie Gibson's comeback tour. But it's Aubrey who flubs the most when she refers to the car as the "Verona" – twice – rather than by its correct name, Verano.
Meanwhile, on the men's side, Adam appears super-nervous while leading his presentation. And he should be, because the heckler bit falls flat, especially when American Chopper's Paul Teutul Sr. dryly yells, "You suck!" before being put into a headlock and dragged off by Ferrigno. (Um, where are those dick and fart jokes when you really need them?)
Still, in the boardroom, Adam is so confident that his team will win, he tells Trump he's willing to take the fall and be fired if they don't. Guess what? The execs think the women did a better job. Maybe their "just a bunch of chicks" routine was just a ploy to throw everyone off.
Trump once again questions why Michael Andretti wasn't leading the charge on the men's side. Although Adam is willing to take all the blame, everyone seems to pig-pile on Andretti and Ferrigno, who doesn't have much to offer in terms of ideas, aside from wanting to dress up as the Hulk.
When Trump puts him on the spot, Adam refuses to pick anyone to come back before the firing squad. Normally, this would get him fired on the spot, but this time Trump decides to teach a lesson, announcing he'll be firing not one but two celebs from the men's team. Tsk, tsk.
The men once again gang up on Ferrigno, clearly hoping he'll get the boot. Trump doesn't see things their way, saying they didn't lose this particular task because of Lou. So . . .
Trump first fires Adam because he was the project manager and, let's face it, set himself up for it. (Hasn't he watched past seasons of Celebrity Apprentice? Trump likes lover,s not fighters. Wait, no – I mean fighters, not quitters!) Then he cuts Andretti loose for failing to step up and lead. It's a fat-trimming two-fer!
Last episode: It's All Just Window Dressing