The Women of 'Mad Men'

For these gals, 1968's been a year packed with tumultuous surprises

Sylvia Rosen

Linda Cardellini as Sylvia Rosen on Mad Men
Michael Yarish/AMC

Don has a type: long-necked, square-shouldered brunettes with deep voices and soulful eyes. This has been his type ever since his life-changing encounter with the Woman on the Train, the one who told the young Lt. Don Draper "Let me buy a soldier a drink," the first kind words he'd ever heard from a woman, completely shaping his future and forming his philosophy in one moment. Don's greatest hits since then – Beatnik Girl, Schoolteacher Girl, "You're Not A Good Person" Girl, the much-missed Mrs. Tildon Katz – all fit the bill. So does Megan, which I guess is why some of us fools got our hopes up for this marriage.

And then came you, Sylvia Rosen! The downstairs neighbor is just his flavor, so we should have known she was trouble when she walked in. Except nobody wanted to believe it, until she whispered "Did you read my Dante?" and it was obvious Don was trapped in a whole new inferno of sexual hobo-coding. (The Inferno begins with the famous lines about Dante getting lost in the forest. Sylvia's Italian – so her name means "forest.")

Unfortunately, this ninny was easily the most annoying Don-quest since the comedian's wife back in Season Two, especially her swinging crucifixes. Any Mad Men fan had plenty of time to get tired of her prissy simpering before she got tired of Don's Fifty Shades of Sterling's Gold hotel caper. Let's hope this affair has finally ended, although the tragic part is they never got to have a sex scene to Tony Orlando and Dawn's 1970 hit "Knock Three Times," the ultimate soft-rock ode to downstairs-neighbor-banging in the era of free love.

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