ABC, Mondays Starting September 24th at 8 p.m. and Tuesdays at 9 p.m.
How often do you like awake at night and whimper, "Please, Lord – won't you let America watch Kirstie Alley dance just one more time? Can't you bring Joey Fatone back to network TV in a leotard? And the guy who was on Newlyweds with Jessica Simpson, was that really 10 years ago? Damn. Well, if he's still alive, won't you please give us some more of his 98-on-a-Scale-of-97 Degree dance moves?" Done, done and done, ye of little faith! It's the first all-star edition of Dancing with the Stars, which means it should make for meaty reality-TV roadkill even by this show's standards. Hey, let's take the high road here and not even mention a certain right-wing politician who keeps pimping her hasn't-she-suffered-the-fuck-enough daughter out to reality shows! Like this one! Naaah. Let's mention the fact that this poor girl didn't even get a proper vacay after the mega-humiliation of her summer reality show, Life's a Tripp. Sorry, sweetie – better you than America.