“Never Nude” Tobias
It's hard to look at cutoffs after watching Arrested Development. Just another quirk among Tobias' many, um, charms, his Never Nudity is an unrecognized psychological disorder that affects "dozens of people – dozens!" It's sole symptom is the need to wear tight cutoff jean shorts at all times, including showers, doctors visits, sexual situations, and under towels and assless chaps. Tobias' claims are slightly legitimized by his fellow Never Nude pal Phillip Litt, the Joe Francis-esque creator of the Girls With Low Self-Esteem videos, as portrayed by Zach Braff.