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Razzing the Year's Worst Movies

POSTED:

Welcome to the Razzies, an organization founded in 1980 by John Wilson to mete out punishment to the movies that punished us. On Feb. 23rd, the day before the Oscars, the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation will once again stick it big time to Hollywood's most egregious suckfests. The Razzie trophy aptly features a cluster of balls. As you know, the wussy Oscar statuette has no balls. Razzie winners rarely show up to accept their trophy, except for Tom Green who admirably appeared in 2002 — with five feet of his own red carpet — to accept his due for Freddy Got Fingered.

What I admire most about the Razzies — I'm a long time voting member — is that the award only goes to the gloriously godawful. A movie is only Razzie worthy when its intrinsic worthlessness sinks to levels so low that the pain of watching it turns to pleasure.

You know what I'm saying. Webster's defines the slang for raspberry as "a sound of derision or contempt, made by expelling air forcibly so as to vibrate the tongue between the lips." So put your lips together and blow as we eyeball a few of this year's nominees. By all means, feel free to add some of your own if you think a genuine baddie got away.

WORST PICTURE

Bratz

Daddy Day Camp

I Know Who Killed Me

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

Norbit

Norbit easily takes the racist, sexist cake for comedy. But I'd like to see a few of Hollywood's pompous Iraq war movies take a hit, especially Rendition.

WORST DIRECTOR

Dennis Dugan - I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY

Roland Joffe - CAPTIVITY

Brian Robbins - NORBIT

Fred Savage - DADDY DAY CAMP

Chris Siverston - I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

Since Roland Joffe once flew high as the director of The Killing Fields and The Mission, he ought to be forced to grovel for Captivity, a chunk of torture porn that's not even as honest as the Saw franchise. By that standard, Curtis Hanson (L.A. Confidential, The Wonder Boys) also took a fall with Lucky You.

WORST ACTOR

Nicolas Cage

GHOST RIDER, NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS and NEXT

Jim Carrey

THE NUMBER 23

Cuba Gooding, Jr.

DADDY DAY CAMP and NORBIT

Eddie Murphy (as Norbit)

NORBIT

Adam Sandler

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY

Worthy nominees all. Eddie Murphy was so offensively bad in each of the three roles he played in Norbit that it probably cost him the Best Supporting Actor Oscar last year for Dreamgirls. Here he's only nominated for his role as the title character (he's much worse in drag), so I'd give the prize to Nic Cage for sleepwalking through three films. And how about a write-in vote for Hayden Christensen in Awake and an early nod for next year for taking all the jump out of Jumper?

WORST ACTRESS

Jessica Alba

AWAKE, FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER and GOOD LUCK CHUCK

Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos & Skyler Shaye (A Four-for-One Deal!)

BRATZ

Elisha Cuthbert

CAPTIVITY

Diane Keaton

BECAUSE I SAID SO

Lindsay Lohan (as Aubrey)

I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

Lindsay Lohan (as Dakota)

I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

Lohan wins in a walk, especially as Dakota the stripper. But where's Hllary Swank for following two Oscar wins with The Reaping and P.S. I Love You? Sheesh.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Orlando Bloom

PIRATES OF THE CAROB-BEAN: AT WIT'S END

Kevin James

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY

Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong)

NORBIT

Rob Schneider

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY

Jon Voight

BRATZ, NATIONAL TREASURE 2, SEPTEMBER DAWN and TRANSFORMERS

I'll go with Orlando Bloon who is bland enough to make Hayden Christensen look exciting. My write-in vote goes to the excruciatingly unfunny Robin Williams in License to Wed.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Jessica Biel

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY and NEXT

Carmen Electra

EPIC MOVIE

Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia)

NORBIT

Julia Ormond

I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

Nicolette Sheridan

CODE NAME: THE CLEANER

It's here, in his drag fatsuit, that Eddie Murphy brings down womankind and his own career. Crass, thy name is Eddie M as Rasputia. Question: Why the free ride for Nicole Kidman in The Golden Compass, her face frozen into a botoxed version of Darth Vader?

WORST PREQUEL OR SEQUEL

Alien vs. Predator: Requiem

Daddy Day Camp

Evan Almighty

Hannibal Rising

Hostel: Part II

All bad, yes, but the third Pirates of the Caribbean showed just how low talent would sink for a paycheck, and Rush Hour 3 and Shrek the Third weren't far behind.

Good luck, Razzie — we'll all be waiting next week to see who you razz the most?

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ABOUT THIS BLOG

Peter Travers

Rolling Stone senior writer Peter Travers has reviewed movies for the magazine for more than 20 years. Send your comments and questions to him here.

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