So, as you might've heard, Breath of the Wild is really, really good. It's so good that only crushing deadlines and the necessity to continue feeding and clothing myself are what's keeping me from playing it right this minute, and, in fact, every other minute of every day since it dropped March 3rd. As I mentioned recently on Twitter, it's dangerous, habit forming, and some sort of government body needs to be created to regulate its use.
One of the weirdest and most appealing bits of Breath of the Wild is the myriad, random nonsense you find littering the world and the magical process of discovering how it can be used to make you stronger and faster, or to do silly and terrible things to your foes. With that in mind, and burdened by decades of sports commentators teaching me that all quantifiable things must be power ranked and arranged into charts and spreadsheets, I present the coolest, weirdest, and most unexpectedly useful items in The Legend of Zelda: Liquid Heroin Edition Breath of the Wild.