Kabuki Warriors is a distinctive theme wasted on a bland game. It's about a kabuki theatre troupe traveling across Japan fighting other performers for cash. Sadly the fighting is plain button-mashing – not only can you win fights with the simplest attacks, you win them without being hit. And although later characters are visually interesting – with elaborate makeup and giant hair – getting to them means fighting through and with characters so flat they look like cheap statuettes. To add insult to injury, every time you make a selection on the menu a man shouts "eeeyo!" in a voice designed to drive you mad.