Fall TV Special

In July, 60 Minutes ran an episode featuring a segment on the troop surge in Afghanistan and an in-depth profile of Penelope Cruz. At the end of the show, a 91-year-old man dumped the contents of his kitchen drawer onto a desk to complain. ?In the past few years, I?ve bought three can openers and none of them work,? Andy Rooney said, in a tone of absolute disgust. ?Two of these for cutting spongecake!? And so it's gone nearly every Sunday night since 1978. At first, Rooney came across like Grandpa Simpson, rambling but kindly. But in recent years, he's begun to resemble a crazed dadaist: He devoted one segment to a history of his desk. He's become that network rarity — an unedited, undirected, uncancelable mess, a mash-up of Strom Thurmond and Larry David. And he's going to keep right on going, at least for another 30 years or so. ANDY GREENE