The Everything Index: Nude Celebs and Russian Sex Geckos

It's been a bad week for Jennifer Lawrence and space lizards...and it's only Tuesday

Jennifer Lawrence attends the 'The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1' Photocall
Danny Martindale/WireImage
Jennifer Lawrence attends the 'The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1' Photocall at the 67th Annual Cannes Film Festival on May 17, 2014 in Cannes, France.
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Welcome back to Rolling Stone's Everything Index, where we rank the week's pop-culture power players, some of whom you haven't seen naked.

Related Taylor Swift in New York City everything index
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Yes, it's been a rough couple of days for something like 80 percent of the world's female celebrities – and the concept of privacy – as a massive hack made their personal pics very public. This may be the leak to end all leaks, and while it undoubtedly made your 13-year-old brother happy (Why is the door locked, Josh?!?) we've got to admit that the whole thing left us feeling pretty icky. Of course, that didn't stop us from putting the leaks at number one on this week's power rankings...we've got a job to do, after all.

1. Every Female Celeb Gets Hacked: Alleged nudes of Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, Ariana Grande and more leaked in latest celebrity hacking scandal. It's terrible and really sort of gross, but more importantly: Krysten Ritter is a celebrity?

2. The Saved by the Bell Movie: Lifetime's "unauthorized" Bell is every bit as craptastic as you'd imagine, though we at least credit the kid playing Zack Morris for keeping those eyebrows on his head.

3. Snapchat Valued at $10 Billion: Or, 25 cents per dick pic.

4. Your Labor Day Hangover: Like the old saying goes – "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, Samuel Gompers."

5. Kanye West: Rips comedian Jay Pharoah after VMA jabs, says marriage to Kim Kardashian "should be treated with respect." Or as the capper to the latest season of his wife's realty show. Same diff.

6. Bikini Coffee Stands: Cops crack sex ring at "Java Juggs" drive thrus in Washington state. Hope you never asked for "extra foam" on your latte.

7. Pixar's Lava: Volcanoes…so hot right now.

8. Taylor Swift, Guest Mentor: TayTay to advise contestants on upcoming season of The Voice. Lesson one: Never forgive, never forget.

9. Every Simpsons Ever: After 278 consecutive hours, heroic Simpsons marathon finally wraps, FXX returns to being "that channel we can never find on our cable guide."

10. The NFL Returns: That ringing in your ears is the sound of America's football machine firing up once again. Or the side-effects of a concussion.

11. Electric Zoo Festival Gets Rained Out: New York's EDM fest canceled due to "extreme weather conditions." Who knew cumulonimbus clouds had taste?

12. Hello Kitty: Not actually a cat. Though try convincing the shut-ins that collect her.

13. Radiohead's PolyFauna App: Thom Yorke and Co. tease new album with updated soundscapes on "exploratory audio-visual" app. Kind of like The King of Limbs, only it tests your iPhone's battery life, not your patience.

14. Fantasy Football Championship Belts: Completely ridiculous new accessory allows every fantasy champ to channel their inner Ric Flair. Of course we want one.

15. Courtney Love's Memoir: The Girl with the Most Cake is shockingly behind schedule. "It's a disaster," C. Love cries. Oh, come on now. It can't be any worse than Nobody's Daughter.

16. Happy Birthday, Beyoncé: Queen Bey turns 33 on Thursday. We'll celebrate by remembering all the things we'd accomplished at that age...like, uh, putting on pants?

17. Britney Spears Goes Off at Las Vegas Show: Takes shots at cheating ex, flogs Perez Hilton during rare unscripted moment at Vegas residency. We're surprised her microphone actually works.

18. Iggy Azalea: Australian import shoots hoops with L.A. Laker boyfriend. She's at least twice as durable as Andrew Bogut.

19. Russian Sex Geckos: Reptiles meant to study reproduction in zero gravity dead upon re-entry. Watch out Putin, the Geico mascot is out for revenge.

20. The US Open: Happening right now. No, really!

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