Welcome to another edition of the Rolling Stone "Everything Index," our midweek ranking of pop culture's power players (and your go-to source for all swimsuit-related controversies).
Yes, while we're all still recovering from the last minute of Super Bowl XLIX – don't take it out on the TV, bro! – there's no rest for the weary; not when Katy Perry and Taylor Swift's feud has escalated to BikiniGate, Kim Kardashian has become a film critic, Bachelor contestants are breaking down and Frozen is sending men back to the Ice Age. Our work is never done!
So before Kelsey has another panic attack, let's get to our midweek hit list: the good, the bad and Everything in between. It's time to do some Indexing.
1. The Katy Perry/Taylor Swift 'Feud': Did KP's halftime show feature a subtle dis of TS? If so, consider this the greatest bikini-related controversy since Sartre defeated Russell in the 1968 Miss Universe swimsuit competition.
2. Signing Day: Today's the day college football's powerhouse programs reload with commitments from top-flight recruits. To help you ignore the fact that they won't receive a dime, while the programs bring in millions, allow us to mention that sometimes puppies are involved.
3. Harper Lee: To Kill a Mockingbird author resurfaces with first novel in more than 50 years. Will it be any good? Who knows. More importantly: Dr. Dre is back on the clock!
4. Kelsey on The Bachelor: Bizarrely beatific darkhorse suffers epic meltdown after her well-laid plans to snare Chris Soules go awry, manages set a new standard for crazy on a show where crazy is practically a prerequisite. We wish they had guidance counselors like her when we were in high school.
5. 'FourFiveSeconds': Rihanna, Kanye and Paul McCartney drop black-and-white video for new single. The fact Macca just plays guitar is arguably the most Kanye move ever.
7. Frozen as Feminist Propaganda: Disney hit "depicts men as evil," according to Fox & Friends' talking cotton swab Steve Doocy. Finally, a voice for the voiceless.
8. Life on Planet Hoth: Deep freeze hits NYC. Hipsters now wearing Tauntauns unironically.
9. Conrad Hilton: Paris Hilton's brother goes bonkers on flight, allegedly challenges a bro to "square up" and calls fellow passengers "peasants." Ironically, the same thing happened to us the last time we stayed at a Hampton Inn.
10. The Grammys: Hey, the kids are still listening to the mashups, right?