The Everything Index: Inside Hollywood's Post-Oscar Orgy

Nearly nude celebs party hard, 'Parks & Rec' bows out and Guy Fieri has a moment. Welcome to another WTF week on the pop-culture beat

Welcome back to Rolling Stone's "Everything Index," our midweek rankings of pop-culture's power players, most of whom apparently got naked after the Academy Awards.

And while our invite to Hollywood's annual Caligula-themed Oscar Orgy must've gotten lost in the mail – we had a robe picked out and everything – we press on, undaunted, with this week's list, where we say goodbye to Parks and Recreation, marvel at Christina Aguilera's celebrity impressions and cower in fear at the sight of a killer octopus. Oh, and we also take potshots at Bill O'Reilly and Guy Fieri, too. In short, it's yet another wild week on the pop-culture beat.

So before our Guy-talian Nachos go all soggy on us, let's get to our midweek hit list: the good, the bad and Everything in between. Let's do some Indexing.

1. The End of Parks and Rec: NBC's cult comedy signs off after seven seasons. Ron Swanson now free to rid the world of skim milk.

2. Naked Celebs at Oscar Afterparties: Hollywood's biggest names go see-through at star-packed post-show celebrations. Rita Ora was also there.

3. Christina Aguilera, Impressionist: Xtina mimics Britney, Shakira in winning Tonight Show bit. For her next trick, she'll make her Lotus album disappear from memory. Oh, wait…

4. Derrick Rose's Knees: Chicago Bulls star to undergo third knee surgery in four seasons. Life isn't fair, but at least he'll have more time to focus on his run-off with Rahm Emanuel.

5. Lady Gaga Slays at the Oscars: The Mother Monster dominates staid telecast with epic Sound of Music tribute. Welcome to pop music in 2015, where we congratulate professional singers for doing their jobs.

6. Bill O'Reilly: Fox figurehead remains indignant after "far-left zealots" question his Falklands War claims. Bill O says being in Buenos Aires constitutes war-zone reporting, even if the battle was 1,200 miles away. By that same logic, we've been covering the war in Gulf Shores, Alabama without even knowing it.

7. This Killer Octopus: Unstoppable Octopod takes to land, devours crab in terrifying video. If this thing had hands, you can bet we'd be seeing 8 middle fingers right now.

8. Guy Fieri: Mayor of Flavortown gets shout-out on Drake's mixtape, officiates 101 gay weddings in Miami Beach. We'd say he's having a moment, but without Donkey Sauce, can anything truly be "a moment?"

9. Nate Ruess' 'Nothing Without Love': With fun. on a break, their frontman releases his debut single. Somewhere, Lena Dunham readies her most fire mixtape.

10. NYPD Goes to the Road House: Officers watching Patrick Swayze's 1989 bouncer-with-a-heart-of-gold epic as part of new training. At least when Dalton used an illegal chokehold, he did it to rip out a guy's throat.