Well, there must be a lot of cool stuff to do, because as far as I can tell, you two spend every moment of your life together.
Butt-Head: That's 'cause Beavis follows me around.
Beavis: You follow me around.
Butt-Head: Only when I'm gonna kick your ass.
Beavis: When you're gonna lick my ass?
Butt-Head: Shut up, booger wipe!
Hey, break it up! Butt-Head, I have a question for you. I noticed that you often say, "I like stuff that's cool." But isn't that circular logic? I mean, what is the definition of "cool "other than an adjective denoting something the speaker likes?
Butt-Head: Huh-huh. Uh, did you, like, go to college?
You don't have to go to college to know the definition of "redundant." What I'm saying is that essentially what you're saying is "I like stuff that I like."
Beavis: Yeah. Huh-huh. Me, too.
Butt-Head: Also, I don't like stuff that sucks, either.
But nobody likes stuff that sucks!
Butt-Head: Then why does so much stuff suck?
Beavis: Yeah. College boy! Huh-huh, huh-huh.
Butt-Head: Huh-huh, huh-huh. Uh, I have a question for you.
Butt-Head: Pull my finger.
That's not a question.
Butt-Head: Huh-huh. Uh ... would you please pull my finger?
Oh, all right.
[Butt-Head farts loudly.]
Butt-Head: Huh-huh, huh-huh. That's cool.
Beavis: I taught him that joke. Huh-huh.
Butt-Head: I taught you that joke, bunghole!
Beavis: But I taught you the part about where you fart.
Butt-Head: Oh, right, you did. Huh-huh, huh-huh. That's my favorite part.
I just have a couple more things I'd like to cover.
Butt-Head: Huh-huh. He said "things."
Beavis: He said "couple." Huh-huh, huh-huh.
When I was your age, the big event that formed the values of my entire generation was the Vietnam War.
Butt-Head: Yeah. Huh-huh. Rambo was cool!
So I was wondering if there was some similar experience, some unifying event, that has affected your life.
Butt-Head: Uh... well, once we bought this bull-whip at Stuckey's? And we went around looking for stuff to whip. But like we couldn't find anything. No frogs or lizards or nothing.
Beavis: We tried a bag of charcoal, but it wasn't alive.
Butt-Head: Then we found this big old grasshopper in the middle of the road. It was really big. It was like a freak grasshopper. Huh-huh. We whipped it and whipped it.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. And then I kicked it Huh-huh.
Butt-Head: We slapped it around like a redheaded stepchild. Huh-huh, huh-huh. And then it looked like it was dead 'cause it hadn't moved in like an hour? And then all of a sudden these little white worms started crawling out of its butt, one by one. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
Beavis: Yeah. They looked like long-grain rice. It's like they were trapped inside this grasshopper, and we came along and set'em free.
Butt-Head: Huh-huh. Uh . .. they crawled out of its butt!
You're comparing the Vietnam War to worms crawling out of a grasshopper's butt? How could that affect your life?
Butt-Head: Well, uh ... if that hadn't happened, we would have had to, like, do something else.
Well, I suppose it's pointless to ask this, but —
Butt-Head: Huh-huh. You said "butt."
What advice do you have for America's youth?
Beavis: Uh . . . sometimes at the arcade? If you rub your feet on the ground and touch the coin slot, it makes a spark and you get a free game. Huh-huh.
Butt-Head: Huh-huh. Uh ... I got one. Like if you go to school and, like, study and stuff? And grow up and get a job at a company and, like, get promoted? You have to go there and do stuff that sucks for the rest of your life.
eavis: Yeah. You'll be trapped, just like those worms in that grasshopper's butt. Huh-huh, huh-huh. And then people will whip you, and you'll come crawling out and —
Butt-Head: Shut up, Beavis! Huh-huh. But what I was saying is, if you act like us and just do stuff that's cool? Like sit around and watch TV and burn stuff?
Beavis: And choke your chicken. Huh-huh-huh.
Butt-Head: Yeah. Huh-huh. And choke your chicken. Then, Rolling Stone magazine will come and kiss your butt!
Huh-huh. You said "come."
Beavis: Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
Beavis AND Butt-Head: Huh-huh, huh-huh. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
Butt-Head: That was cool!
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