17. Kourtney Is a Bikini Waxer
KAKTM Season 2, Episode 2
Just as the producers of this show use bizarre career moves to manufacture storylines, so too does Khloé After Dark use guest interviews to inspire plots for entire episodes. We open on Khloé interviewing Tommy Lee for no reason other than to discuss how committed they both are to "keep[ing] it nice and tight [and] clean" in the swimsuit area for the benefit of their respective partners.
At this point, Khloé and Lamar have been together for eight months, but shooting a spinoff show in Miami means they rarely get to spend time together. Khloé goes lingerie shopping to prepare for Lamar's impending visit, but soon is laying on the floor of the changing room because there's one thing she's forgotten: "I'm freaking out, Lamar has never seen me without a bikini wax!" There have been plenty of high points in this show over the past decade, but watching Khloé yelling, "I cannot let Lamar see me as a hairy beast!. . .I want him to always see me as 'Oh my perfect little wife who's perfect down there,'" is not one of them. Luckily, Kourtney's blind confidence isn't restricted to outdoor activities, and she offers to wax her sister's bikini line. (At no point is it explained why she cannot just go and get a bikini wax at a salon.) "I am terrified to let Kourt do this," Khloé admits, while Kourtney literally rubs her hands together as she cackles, "It'll be fun to rip out Khloé's pubes, one by one."
"Lamar will thank his lucky stars that he is not having to witness what I am," Kourtney tells Khloé, as she crouches between her sister's legs with a pot of wax she's reheated in the microwave. Her words – "I could literally be a waxer as my new job" – do not correspond to her actions – namely, burning Khloé's bikini line. (Or, in Khloé's words, "[making] my vagina a swollen mess!") From there, it's all hands on deck to sooth the burn before Lamar arrives. Kourtney suggests slathering butter on it, while Scott deadpans, "You don't want your husband to get home and see a beefed-up cooch all burned," as he nurses baby Mason with one hand and throws ice at his sister-in-law with the other.
The episode concludes with Lamar telling Khloé he thinks she's perfect. All is right in the world.