Which NFL QB Slept With Your Girlfriend? Stephen Rannazzisi Knows

The star of FXX's fantasy football comedy 'The League' sounds off about the actual NFL

Stephen Rannazzisi as Kevin in "The League." Credit: FX Networks

In theory, The League is a show about fantasy football. And yet, much like pseudo-sport itself, the FXX comedy – which just kicked-off its sixth season – is about so much more: psychological warfare, marijuana etiquette, amateur pornography and the win-at-all-costs camaraderie that only exists when a group of friends gather 'round their laptops.

Through it all, Stephen Rannazzisi has played Kevin MacArthur, a man so desperate to win that he once traded naming rights to his first-born son for a league championship. Despite that, fans of the show continually approach him looking for fantasy advice ("I tell them to let 'Auto Draft' pick for them," he laughs), but as a diehard New York Giants fan, he'd rather talk about actual football.

So we blitzed him with a bunch of hot-button NFL topics, to get his take on the 2014 season. And let's just say he doesn't see things turning out too well for Big Blue.

The Oft-Maligned Eli Manning
He's won two Super Bowls, so I'm with him no matter what. Giants fans are getting impatient, but he just needs time to make throws, and right now, the Giants' line isn't giving him any. Eli's not the problem; I think Tom Coughlin's lost the team. You look at how we play, no one's running over to gang-tackle, no one's stripping the ball, there's no energy. I mean, if they're already cashing-out for the season, why not just give Ryan Nassib a shot at QB?

The NFL's Terrible New Uniforms
The Jaguars look like they play in NFL Europe now. And those new Buccaneers uniforms, with the digital numbers, they're pretty bad too. But what are you going to do with a Buccaneer? Dress them up like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean?

Partying with Wes Welker
I saw he did Molly at the Kentucky Derby? I had no idea Wes got down like that. At first, I saw the headlines – 'Wes Welker Did Molly at the Kentucky Derby' – and I thought Molly was his wife's name, like 'Wow, that seems intrusive.' Then I realized they were talking about drugs. He was handing out $100 bills to strangers, too. If I were there, I would've taken the money, then been like 'I'll meet you in the paddock with the Molly.'

Johnny Manziel, Drake's BFF
He's the most famous quarterback in the history of Instagram. People are mad at him, but I don't see his behavior being wrong. If I were 21 I'd be hanging out with Drake too, using a stack of money like a phone. Or I would like to do those things. I probably wouldn't get invited.

J.J. Watt's Improv Skills
We've had a bunch of pros on the show, and they're great. J.J. is one of the best. He'll make jokes, improvise with us. Terrell Suggs is awesome too. Oh, and Deion Sanders. We had him break up a cocaine party on the show. I wish I could go back in time and tell my 10-year-old self "One day, you'll be getting paid to do fake cocaine with real Deion Sanders."

The Atlanta Falcons' Futuristic Stadium
We did a thing on the show, "Mouth Like Anus," and the stadium's roof kind of reminds me of that. When it closes, it looks like a steel asshole puckering up. That's all I really know about it, but based on that alone, I want to go. You know it's going to be cool.

Has Philip Rivers Fucked Your Girlfriend?
I don't know Philip, but you get the feeling he would never have a microphone in front of his face if he weren't a dynamic quarterback. Philip Rivers to me, he just looks like a jock, bully asshole. He looks like he fucked your girlfriend in high school. He probably did.