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93 items by Halle Kiefer

  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets | ARTICLE

    WHY WOULD THEY MIC JIONNI BARFING LIKE THAT?!?! Good holy god. Hearing his drunken retching was like catching a glimpse of that clogged downstairs toilet from last season, but for the ears. Actually, this whole episode...

    February 24, 2012 12:25 PM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Too Many Hot Dogs

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Too Many Hot Dogs | ARTICLE

    I . . . I take back all those things I said about Roger. I take back all those terrible things I said about that big bronze mountain of a man, that emotionally mature mass of delts...

    February 17, 2012 9:15 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Gloom and Doom

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Gloom and Doom | ARTICLE

    Roger is dead to me. Let’s just get that out there up top. Just when you start to think two people can see through each other’s tight sausage casing biceps and comically large bazooms to the tiny...

    February 10, 2012 11:30 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Cranberry Juice and False Eyelashes

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Cranberry Juice and False Eyelashes | ARTICLE

    I don’t know how Jersey Shore has been on the air this long without someone getting a UTI. I really don’t. Five seasons of synthetic thongs, drunken screwing on bare mattresses, gallons of Bod cologne sprayed directly...

    February 3, 2012 9:30 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: GTGet Vinny Back

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: GTGet Vinny Back | ARTICLE

    Is Danny, the T-shirt shop guy . . . God? Following Vinny's exit from the show to deal with clinical anxiety and the Situation's exit to go cry on the boardwalk for a few hours about how...

    January 27, 2012 11:25 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: A Tragic Situation

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: A Tragic Situation | ARTICLE

    Vinny may have moved out of the house at the end of last week's episode, but everyone seems to be handling the news in the calm, mature manner befitting a house full of grown adults. What are...

    January 20, 2012 11:45 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Every Day I'm Sufferin'

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Every Day I'm Sufferin' | ARTICLE

    So, Pauly's face is just a big mass of squamous cell carcinoma at this point, right? "I peeled, then I exfoliated, then I burned the part I exfoliated," he whimpers, the whites of his...

    January 13, 2012 10:30 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Hurricane Situation

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Hurricane Situation | ARTICLE

    USA! USA! USA! Having exported the Jersey experience to Italy for a spell, the gang finds themselves stateside for Season Five. Did anyone else besides me forget that watching Jersey Shore is like someone...

    January 6, 2012 11:25 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Finale Recap: Sight See, Go Hard, Leave

    'Jersey Shore' Finale Recap: Sight See, Go Hard, Leave | ARTICLE

    And so yet another season of Jersey Shore ends: not with a bang, but with a calm, quiet discussion about how everyone can't stand you, Mike. Ronnie is dispatched to have a reasoned adult conversation with the...

    October 21, 2011 12:10 PM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Nobody Likes the Situation

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Nobody Likes the Situation | ARTICLE

    Remember that scene in Spider-Man when Willem Defoe-as-Green-Goblin finally has a psychotic break and launches into that broken-mind monologue delivered at his own alter ego? This week's Jersey Shore episode ends on a similarly unsettling note, with...

    October 14, 2011 11:50 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Snooki's Convoluted Confessional

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Snooki's Convoluted Confessional | ARTICLE

    Well, we all knew it was coming: The Situation has finally and completely broken with reality. For the entire Jersey Shore season, Mike has been trending toward incoherence, and now he has completed his metamorphosis into a...

    October 7, 2011 2:55 PM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Arrivederci, Jionni!

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Arrivederci, Jionni! | ARTICLE

    Watching Snooki frantically scrabble at that gigantic front door for 45 seconds attempting to get out was like watching a living poem. There is a meaning, and then there is a meaning. Eventually she escapes (did the...

    September 30, 2011 9:45 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Snooki's Boyfriend Gets Some Reality

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Snooki's Boyfriend Gets Some Reality | ARTICLE

    Snooki’s boyfriend Jionni finally comes to Italy to visit, and the lil’ meatball is poof-over-heels excited to see him. "Jionni is like Crocodilli but alive!" she proudly declares, and if you know who Crocodilli is, STOP YOURSELF...

    September 23, 2011 2:50 PM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Snooki and Deena Get Curious

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Snooki and Deena Get Curious | ARTICLE

    It’s about time the cast went on a road trip! Or as the Italians call it, il road trip! Leaving the apartment to air for a few days, the gang rents cars and drives to sunny Riccione,...

    September 16, 2011 12:15 PM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Is the Situation Down for the Count?

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Is the Situation Down for the Count? | ARTICLE

    It is not with a bang but with a whimper that we return to Firenze, the more specific locale being the Situation's sick bed. Remember? Because he "hurt his neck" while voluntarily smashing his head into a...

    September 9, 2011 3:55 PM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: Ronnie Vs. the Situation Vs. a Wall

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: Ronnie Vs. the Situation Vs. a Wall | ARTICLE

    When we last left the gang, Ronnie and the Situation were preparing for a battle royale such that will rip this tiny clan apart for good, or at least until they all sober up in four hours....

    September 2, 2011 11:50 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: The Boys Think Deena's Sexuality Is Hilarious

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: The Boys Think Deena's Sexuality Is Hilarious | ARTICLE

    Ah, Italy! A country of magic, of romance, of history. A place we will never, ever see, because the cast is too busying discussing Deena's bi-curious hook-up to leave the house. "The truth is, Deena and I...

    August 26, 2011 1:10 PM ET
  • Jersey Shore Recap: Ronnie and Sammi are Back On

    Jersey Shore Recap: Ronnie and Sammi are Back On | ARTICLE

    I’d like to imagine there was just one Abercrombie & Fitch executive desperate enough to make a stand this week. He or she stood in his or her corner office, watching the rain slide down the glass...

    August 19, 2011 1:55 PM ET
  • Jersey Shore Recap: Snooki Denies the Situation, Pierre Wins Our Hearts

    Jersey Shore Recap: Snooki Denies the Situation, Pierre Wins Our Hearts | ARTICLE

    Well, I'll just say it: the cast member who is the hands-down fan favorite so far has to be Pierre, the house marionette. That guy is the fucking best! Whether being made to do the Jersey Turnpike...

    August 12, 2011 11:50 AM ET
  • 'Jersey Shore' Recap: La Dolce Vita?

    'Jersey Shore' Recap: La Dolce Vita? | ARTICLE

    Lock up your daughters, handcuff your wives, the fourth season of Jersey Shore is here – and it’s going down like a ice-cold glass of limoncello with a Ron Ron juice chaser. I hate to be That...

    August 5, 2011 9:55 AM ET
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