I'm calling today's blog: Bottom line of a bottom feeder. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is a box-office machine (it sure ain't human). The official domestic gross for the first 5 days of Michael Bay's craptacular is $200.1 million. That ranks it as the 2nd best opening ever for a Wednesday-to-Sunday movie launch. The Dark Knight, at $203.8, still holds the record. Whew! I had feared shit would rise to the top.

Which brings me to today's question: Which of the Top 5-day openings in movie history sucks the most? Hint: Only one of the five is actually of real value.

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In this week's At The Movies, it is Rolling Stone movie critic Peter Travers' honor to review what he calls the potential Worst Movie of the Decade, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Somehow, director Michael Bay miraculously took his already-awful Transformers film and made a sequel that is worse, clocking in at a punishing two-and-a-half hours where moviegoers are subjected to metal just crashing into each other (and Megan Fox looking like Megan Fox, the film's lone redeeming factor).

Still, despite how bad it is the blockbuster will likely make hundreds of millions at the box office. "I know it's popular, so is junk food, it still rots your brain," Travers says. In fact, going into your attic, excavating your old Transformers toys and playing with them for two-and-a-half hours would likely be a more rewarding intellectual experience. In other of Bay's dud, Travers' is transforming his Scum Bucket into the Transformers Scum Bucket, the measuring stick of terrible movie-making that all bad films must aspire to.

Fortunately, for your brain cells at least, there is one fantastic alternative in theaters this week, and it's called The Hurt Locker.

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The Academy just decided the more the merrier. Starting next year, some movie fatcat will strut onstage at the end of the March 7th Oscar telecast and read 10 nominees for Best Picture instead of the usual 5. Stop with the jokes. I know it's usually a stretch to get even 5. From the early 1930s till 1943, the Academy customarily nominated two handfuls of movies for the big prize. But why go back to that policy now? You'll hear lots of reasons. But the decline in TV ratings for the Oscar show is the one that sticks to the wall. Audiences won't tune in when their favorite movies aren't nominated. The Dark Knight struck box-office gold last year, but the Academy stupidly snubbed it for Best Picture, along with the animated success, WALL-E. Now it's time to make good on missed opportunities.

Let's look at what happened on the 2009 Oscar show.

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Photo: Emerson/Walt Disney Studios
In a summer where the biggest hits (Up, Star Trek, The Hangover) aren't dependent on big-names (Jack Black couldn't propel The Year One to even The Top Three), one star has emerged to put a spike heel through that theory. Her name is Sandra Bullock and she has single-handedly put The Proposal — a formula romcom if there ever was one — into the winner's circle.

Starring Bullock as a hard-edged Manhattan book editor who marries her assistant (Ryan Reynolds) so she won't be deported back to Canada, The Proposal was accepted by moviegoers to the fancy tune of $34.1 million. And that ain't just chick-flick money as usual. It's Bullock's biggest weekend gross ever. Her previous record (go figure) was the thrill-free Premonition, which took in $17.6 million in 2007. For some reason, moviegoers don't just like Bullock in The Proposal, they really like her. I like her, too, but found The Proposal a snore. So in tribute to the Bullock magic, I thought it'd be fun to pick the three best Bullock performances, and then weigh in with the three worst. Feel free to play the game.

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After a string of great summer blockbusters, this weekend brings the season's first lull as Rolling Stone Peter Travers is At the Movies with the newest slate of flicks hitting multiplexes this Friday (Considering the nation is covered by rain clouds and the soaked masses are likely movie bound this weekend, this is terrible planning on Hollywood's part.) After spending his last four films exploring London and Barcelona, writer-director Woody Allen returns to his native New York City with Whatever Works, starring Larry David as a character that draws upon both Allen's own psyche and David's Curb Your Enthusiasm guise. Even though the film was written during Allen's peak in the 1970s, Travers says Whatever Works is not top shelf Woody, but the film still has its classic moments as Evan Rachel Wood co-stars as a girl who comes to the Big Apple and marries the older David. If you're going to see a new film in theaters this weekend, this is the one to see, because the other two comedies being offered up this weekend aren't too promising.

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No doubt about it now. Hangover is the breakout comedy of the summer. The Todd Phillips raunchfest is No. 1 at the box office for the second week in a row, raking in a reported $33.4 million for the weekend and bringing its 10 day gross to $105.4 million. That's a record, people. Hangover is the first R-rated movie ever to cross $100 million that fast. In related Hangover news, those of you that kindly track my blog and follow me on Twitter have elected Zach Galifianakis as that screwball comedy's Most Valuable Player. Sorry Ed Helms and Bradley Cooper, you didn't come close.

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Rolling Stone's Peter Travers has a load of praise for a pair of new films At the Movies this weekend, starting with the popcorn action flick The Taking of Pelham 123, a supped-up reboot of the 1974 original. The film casts Denzel Washington and John Travolta in the roles of hero and villain in a story about an ex-con who holds a New York City subway car and its passengers hostage. Unlike other remakes, Pelham 123 pays homage to its roots, renaming Washington's character Walter Garber in honor of the original actor to occupy the role, Walter Matthau. "They know what they're following, and they're showing respect," Travers says of the electrifying film.

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This just in: The surprise Belmont Stakes win of Summer Bird over Mine That Bird this weekend is now reflected in the weekend box-office. Early reports had Pixar's Up edging out The Hangover as the No. 1 movie. Not so fast.

It turns out the R-rated comedy raunchfest squeaked past the family-friendly Up — $44.8 million to $44.6 million. It's a shocker. R-rated movies traditionally start slow and build if they're lucky. But here's Hangover bolting like a rocket. What happened? Will Ferrell sure could have used some of that Hangover mojo. Ferrell's adventure-comedy Land of the Lost barely scared up $19 million in its opening frame, way low for Willy Boy. So let's examine what Hangover has that the competition doesn't.

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Photo: Gilkas/FilmMagic

American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert sure seemed pumped catching a performance of Hair: The American Tribal Rock Musical on a quick trip to Broadway last week. Hair is the favorite to win Best Musical Revival when CBS broadcasts the Tony Awards this Sunday. Neil Patrick Harris will be hosting. That’s right, the sitcom star of How I Met Your Mother has stage credits stretching from Cabaret to Rent. If you saw NPH fire up SNL this season or spoof himself as a horndog junkie in two Harold & Kumar movies you know the former Doogie he has the sass to kick ass.

OK, why should anyone who lives outside of Manhattan give a damn about the Tonys? Listen up. The best of Broadway is usually smart, funny and provocative in ways Hollywood has given up on. Maybe that’s why so many movie and TV actors have decided to forgo fat paychecks and take a shot onstage where critics are ready to go medieval on their ass at the first sign of movie star ego or laziness. Look at the nominees — good and god-awful — in major categories, and make your own picks:

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Two new films debuting in theaters will attempt to make you laugh this weekend, but only one succeeds. Judging by its hilarious trailer, The Hangover generated some serious word-of-mouth buzz, and thankfully the rest of the film doesn't disappoint says Peter Travers. Sure, the plot sounds generic: A drunken bachelor party in Las Vegas goes awry, penned by the writers behind Scum Bucket films like Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and Four Christmases. But Old School director Todd Phillips takes the story of three buddies trying to piece together the night before and turns it into the best comedy of the year. The film stars Ed Helms (The Office's Andy Bernard), Wedding Crashers villain Bradley Cooper and comic Zack Galifianakis, a bearded teddy bear of a man who makes Travers laugh just at the sight of him. Mike Tyson also provides what is guaranteed to be the cameo of the year, appearing as Mike Tyson. "This is what I call a comedy," Travers says.

Boasting bigger star power and a bigger budget, Will Ferrell's remake of the popular TV show Land of the Lost did not find its way to Travers' funny bone, instead finding a home in this week's Scum Bucket.

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