Help! I'm having fantasies of Jigsaw, the villain in the Saw franchise, hacking up the cast of High School Musical 3: Senior Year, preferably before each caffeinated teenager begins a new musical number. I have nothing against G-rated movies—WALL-E was terrific. But HSM3 appears to be populated by pod people denuded of all the flaws that make us human. Sure, I'd advocate kids to be like the teens in HSM3, but only until they're eight years old. Originality is as absent here as sex. It's all white teeth and pink gums attacking us with broad smiles, flashing limbs and bland music. It's perkiness as a weapon of mass destruction. Night of the Living Dead isn't this terrifying. And here's the real scary part:
HSM3 had a whopping opening weekend, grossing $42 million, the fattest debut ever for a musical, beating even the $29 million debut record set this summer by the almost as awful Mamma Mia! What's that all about? We're being invaded people, by sugar shock set to music. And don't tell me that it's not all sweetness and light at the multiplex. Yes, the R-rated Saw 5 pulled in an impressive $30 million against the twinkle-toed teens. But Saw 5 is also crap, sucking it's wornout franchise to the dregs.
Look, it's no surprise that crap sells. Beverly Hills Chihuahua keeps raking in the coin. So does Eagle Eye and Max Payne while the risky likes of Body of Lies, W. and Flash of Genius die of loneliness at the multiplex. I've heard it said that in times of economic recession, we all want escapism. My question is: Why can't the escapism be good?
HSM3, preceded by two TV movies, isn't cinema, it's a business enterprise whose evil spawn includes bestselling soundtrack albums, DVDs, videogames, costumes, bedding, backpacks, party kits, dinner plates, pajamas, sold-out concert tours and even High School Musical on ice. Here everything drowns in the marshmallow of songs that sound like boy band rejects, frantic choreography that looks not ready for summer stock and dialoque that states the obvious with a real sense of discovery as when Troy (Zac Efron) brings girlfriend Gabriella (Vanessa Hudgens) on stage for a big number: "You might be ready to leave East High, but East High isn't ready to say goodbye to you." I couldn't say goodbye fast enough. Ay, Chihuahua!
Am I wrong? Someone told me to think hard about the good things in HSM3. All I could come up with is Zac Efron, who seems to have talent as a singer, dancer and actor. But those gifts are easier to see in Hairspray and the upcoming Me and Orson Welles.
So it's up to you. Tell me what you like about HSM3, and why you don't want to see Jigsaw carve it to pieces?
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Shane | November 3, 2008 4:44 PM
Just gotta take issue with Travers' comment "if you're gay and/or eight years old, HSM3 is the movie event of the year". I'm not 8 (and haven't been for a couple of decades now), but gay as a goose all day every day including Tuesdays, and guess what? Haven't seen any of the HSM movies, and don't want to! So Zac Efron's attractive...so are 8 million other guys on the planet, probably more. I certainly don't need to go see a movie that will drive me to stab my own eyes and eardrums out just because some cast members MIGHT be okay to look at!
samantha | November 3, 2008 4:20 AM
i think people flock to fluff movies like this during hard times in order to escape the harshness they have come to know as reality. don't get me wrong, its not like i saw the movie. people just eat that stuff up. its like a disorder.
totallydude | October 29, 2008 8:45 PM
HSM3 is just a giant commercial for the uselss crap that Disney is trying to sell to our children. It shows how everyone is trying to stay perpetually young. Nobody wants to grow and face real life. Even Grease had a pregnancy scare and a high school drop out.
Also whats up with the young talent in Hollywood and I use talent loosely. I hope these kids really can act because those pretty faces don't last forever
kiddo | October 29, 2008 12:33 PM
maybe rolling stone is just pissed off they couldn't get the HSM cast on their cover, I mean they criticize the Disney Enterprise yet they have Zac Efron and Jonas Brothers on their cover (even giving them a very undeserved 4 star rating on that crap-ass-maroon5-like album).
Body of Lies wasn't even that good.
W. was interesting but also not very good, and most critics agree.
Flash of Genius.... well i didn't see this one because it was about the guy who invented the wipers on the cars... um yeah, riveting stuff.
Ryan | October 28, 2008 11:01 PM
Seeing how I work at a movie theater, I saw kids lining up in drones to see HSM3 this weekend and the rest to see Saw V, and to be honest, I just wanted to puke. I screened Pride and Glory the thursday afternoon before it came out and I told one of my coworkers "This is the best movie we're getting this weekend, and it's going to the worst." ...and I was absolutely right. I wouldn't touch HSM with a ten foot pole, and i'm ashamed that I watched Saw V, cuz a) these movies suck and b)I hadn't seen the fourth one (because I couldn't see it for free). I want our theater to do well, but I want people to see actual movies, not products.
anrojas | October 28, 2008 1:33 PM
I have to say that after watching the first HSM I was impressed to see that Disney was actually presenting something good in their channel, but once they came into the whole movie industry I just couldn't make it to the bathroom fast enough to throw up. So here's an idea: let's make a High School Musica 4, where Zac Efron finally comes out of the closet, Ashley Tinsdale doesn't steal the show with her new nose, and Vanessa Hudgens actually gains weight and starts looking like a young lady and not like a 12 year old going on 18.
Tobin Bell | October 28, 2008 12:31 PM
Peter Travers just gave me the perfect idea for Saw 6. Involving the entire HSM3 cast.....Oh, it will be bloody. You think you've seen gore? You haven't seen anything yet! BRHAHAHAHAHAHH
drinkslinger77 | October 28, 2008 12:29 PM
Hey disbot3000-
I don't think you would know, nor are you in a positon to judge what us "real art" folks enjoy for our entertainment, be it crap movies this post was written about, OR Shakepeare, OR the opera. But I'm going to go ahead and get off my high horse for ya....And you can go fuck yourself!
Keanu Reeves | October 28, 2008 12:23 PM
Whhoahhhh.......Those movies are, like, sooo bad........
disbot 3000 | October 28, 2008 12:19 PM
You people are seriously messed up. If you think you won't like it, just don't go see it. I've seen none of them and don't want to, but who am I to say that others can't, or shouldn't, enjoy it. Mindless entertainment has existed since the concept of entertainment was created, so just roll with it. Besides, I hardly think that any of you "real art" folks in the comments section spend a lot of time enjoying the opera or a Shakespearian play, so get off your high horse!
JRW | October 28, 2008 9:29 AM
Yeah well I like it because it's filmed at my beloved East High School in Salt Lake City!!!
Norman | October 28, 2008 5:07 AM
Even my 8 years old daughter hate it!
choad | October 28, 2008 4:00 AM
I love that rolling stone puts this article up yet zac efron gets to be on the cover a few months earlier
Nick Bridwell | October 28, 2008 3:45 AM
I'll take your word for it.
BradV | October 27, 2008 11:40 PM
I hate teenagers. They're all funny looking. Dopey, too. Not like me when I was that age. Condoms and needles! Yeah!
hair love | October 27, 2008 11:06 PM
i know i loved hair do a remake of that one puh lease
Barbie Q | October 27, 2008 11:01 PM
I have never seen any of the HSM movies and don't plan to. It is an insult to the public that they make these movies in the first place
Valley Gurl | October 27, 2008 10:57 PM
Hsm3 is sooooo fucking retarded and should die a bloody death or at least crawl back to the deepest pits of hell where it was created
Jonathan | October 27, 2008 10:17 PM
Well, Saw V and HSM3 were basically two awful heads of the same shameless product placement coin, so I gave my money to Eagle Eye (which really wasn't any better, but at least it was entertaining).
Pride and Glory looks like the sequel to Scorsese's The Departed, and Changeling didn't start in my city yet.
What's a movie-loving guy to do?
James Bond can't come fast enough if you ask me.
Julz | October 27, 2008 9:35 PM
"But HSM3 appears to be populated by pod people denuded of all the flaws that make us human."
Well, maybe the actors will get brain hemorrhages from all that suppressed anger.
Please God Please!!!
Aaron | October 27, 2008 8:34 PM
(Sigh) I miss Hair...
RLEE | October 27, 2008 6:18 PM
Uh, I'd rather lick my own taint than watch High School Musical 3. Hence, no further commentary is necessary.
Cristian | October 27, 2008 4:10 PM
HSM3 is far from perfect, but there is a charm to it. It doesn't take itself too seriously. It doesn't rely on irony. The cast is energetic and charming. The musical numbers are fun and catchy. You have to leave your cynicism at the door in order to enjoy the film.
daddio | October 27, 2008 3:31 PM
HSM3 was just bad. They were singing all the time and it was just pointless.This is an insult to musicals. and Vanessa Hudgens is a slut with wearing only squirts and high heels. Stupid Ho.