News item: Jessica Simpson has reportedly written a song for her new album about her boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.

"Oh Tony"
By Jessica Simpson
(With Burt Bacharach)

I first met you at the ESPY awards
You were tall, I was todally boreds
When said you were a Dallas Cowboy
I said 'What's that?' My Dad groaned, 'Oy.'

But that night our love was easy to see
We went for Chicken Fingers at Applebees
You drank Coors Light and a shot of Patron
I had six appletinis and I passed out, gone

The next day we played catch with a Nerf
You kissed me on the lips and threw me on the turf
You introduced me to Terrell Owens and said he was the tops
I asked him, 'Damn, what up with all those end-zone drops?'

CHORUS
Oh Tony, Dallas really hates our guts
They'd like to sack us both on our butts
They hate me worse than the Giants or the 'Skins
They burn my records to avenge all our sins

Oh Tony, why do we have to hide our love?
When we go to Cabo and share a hot tub
When they say I hurt your game, it makes me real mad
Worse than that time Nick got punched by my dad

Oh Tony, why are you so upset
It's not like you're in Vegas and placed a bet
So what if you can't win a playoff game?
That Super Bowl thing is always so lame

After this year's drubbing I thought it'd be neat
To go hit LA with sister Ashlee and Pete
You and Wentz really seemed to bond
He'd say 'I'm with red, and lunkhead's with blonde.'

Then we'd go back to Dad's for Swedish massages
Hikes in the canyon and horse-y dressages
It's almost like we were Posh and Becks
With stranger relatives and smaller checks

CHORUS
Oh Tony, why can't you throw a pass
Without getting tossed on your ass
I'm sorry if it hurts and the pain makes you moan
But I'm tired of being embarassed in the ESPN Zone

Oh Tony, you must do it for me
Dad says I can't be seen with a back-up QB
I look my best for you, I do lots of self-tanning
You don't want me to do it for Eli Manning

Oh Tony, our love is like a double reverse
Sometimes it works, sometimes its the worst
I want to try and be all we can be
But you gotta win at least the NFC

[Photo: Getty]