The Capri Lounge: Rants and Raves from Rolling Stone's Editors

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Exclusive! How to Blow $360 Billion on the Music Business

May 1, 2008 1:08 PM

FORT WORTH, Texas, April 30 (UPI) — Police in Fort Worth, Texas, said a man has been arrested after he presented a check made out for $360 billion to bank tellers. Bank employees told investigators that the check held by Charles Ray Fuller, 21, made them suspicious, so they phoned the account holder and verified that the check was bogus. Police said Fuller told them during his arrest that he was attempting to start a record label.

Through an anonymous source, the Capri Lounge has located the itemized budget for Charles Fuller's would-be $360 billion record label:

-Complete Matchbox 20 catalogue: $340 billion

-Mariah Carey: $5 billion

-Mariah Carey's personal assistants: $1 billion

-Mariah Carey's personal assistants' personal assistants: $2 billion

-Mariah Carey's miscellaneous Pomeranian expenses: $3 billion

-Mariah Carey's Pomeranian's personal assistants: $500 million

-Mariah Carey's Pomeranian's personal assistants' personal assistants: $450 million

-"Hot Pockets" for Mariah Carey: $500 million

-Cash Money Millionaires: $50,000 (discount)

-Invisible motorcycle for Birdman: $1 billion

-Invisible motorcycle locating device for Birdman: $1 billion

-Amy Winehouse: $50 million

-Amy Winehouse Insurance: Unavailable

-Fee so no one plays that song from "Once" ever again: $3 billion

-Next three Jonas boys: $6 billion

-Payola payouts to The Capri Lounge: $40

See? That's just over $360 billion — it all adds up pretty quickly


Jason Gay
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3 Comments


Anonymous | May 5, 2008 3:10 PM

That wasn't funny. =[

biggestloser | May 2, 2008 8:13 PM

OMG you mean I DIDN'T win the EU Lottery?

419 | May 2, 2008 2:00 PM

This guy doesn't come from Nigeria by chance does he?

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