For some reason (likely because of the recent NBA All-Star festivities), a tiny little album called B-Ball's Best Kept Secret has snuck back into the wilds of the Internet zeitgeist. Released in 1994, B-Ball's Best Kept Secret handed the microphone over to some hoops heroes and let them rap. Because I love both hip-hop and basketball, I procured a copy and have been listening to it non-stop. Some of the performers acquit themselves nicely: Shaquille O'Neal has always been a functional (if not terribly impressive) MC, and former Slam Dunk champ Cedric Ceballos could probably pass as a low-level Dipset member. Sadly, the boobie prize lands in the lap of Malik Sealy, a former journeyman who was tragically killed by a drunk driver in 2000. His song, "Lost in the Sauce," is stilted and awkward, with one of those choruses that sounds like it's trying to coin slang and a saxophone sample that might be a leftover from Wreckx-N-Effect's "Rump Shaker." It's also one of two songs that use the line "Life is a jumpshot" (Sealy says, "Sometimes you're on or sometimes you might be off," while Chris Mills merely rhymes "Sometimes it's not"). It's a bummer.

But it's easy to call an athlete-turned-musician terrible, but has there ever been a professional sports star who has made a name for himself as a musical performer? Former NBA power forward Wayman Tisdale is a respected jazz bassist (incidentally, the bass player is often referred to as "the power forward" of jazz combos, if only because it's easier to say than "the mid-size swingman" or "the problematic post player with limited range"). Cincinnati Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo put out a record of mostly grunge covers that wasn't nearly as bad as that description would suggest. I gave that Ron Artest rap album three stars when I reviewed it, and I'm still not ashamed. But my vote for the best athlete/musician is former relief pitcher Scott Radinsky, who fronted California sorta-hardcore bands Ten Foot Pole (he was actually kicked out because of his baseball career) and Pulley.

However, should Kobe Bryant win the MVP this year, he should totally use that as an excuse to release his long buried rap album, which had a single called "K.O.B.E." (featuring Tyra Banks). Seriously.

[Photo: Bunn/Retna]