Apparently, the looks that kill have a lot in common with the sounds that kill brain-cells. At least that's the impression left by the summer line of nail polish and lip gloss from hipster makeup mavens Urban Decay.| Exhibiting an unhealthy degree of nostalgia for one of rock's worst-dressed eras, the folks at U-DK have introduced a passel of garish new colors, including Twisted Sister (an eye-gouging glittery gold), Iron Maiden (a mossy shade of brown) and Ozzy Osbourne (as silver as the fillings in those bat-bitin' choppers). We'd feign surprise that there were no hair-care products in the new line, but we doubt that many of the namesakes have enough hair left to make the comparison worthwhile.

In a move that should guarantee an instant doubling of their record sales -- or, even better, an appearance on the Howard Stern Show -- rock goons Blanks 77 have put out feelers (so to speak) for America's most alluring punk-rock lesbians. The band plans to adorn its next album with photos of tattooed, spiked, pierced and otherwise punkishly adorned persons of the Sapphic persuasion in various forms of, shall we say, affectionate embrace. Ladies willing to submit to the degradation -- which may or may not include having to listen to the album in question -- for a fee that may reach the upper two figures should send audition photos to Radical Records, 77 Bleecker Street, Suite C2-21, New York, NY 10012.

It wouldn't be too surprising to hear that a disc jockey was fired for unleashing a string of four letter words -- until the words in question were revealed to be those of Pope John Paul. Yep, deejay Paul Volpe, who hosted a daily show on Glendale, Calif.-based radio station KIEV, got the boot for airing selections from Abba Pater, the Vatican Man's much-discussed CD. No, station management hadn't entered into a deal with Satan to ensure that Marilyn Manson would always get the last word on matters theological: The suits had simply instituted a ban on playing any material in a language other than English, and the Pope works in Italian, Latin and Spanish. Volpe plans to sue to get his gig back.

On a similar note, we hear that Lauren, the surname-free frontman of comedy-metal combo Drown, got into hot water earlier this week by donning a supposedly sacreligious T-shirt at a club in ultra-conservative Orange County, Calif. The singer, whose threads were emblazoned with the slogan "Jesus Christ Homo Sexual," was apparently confronted by a gaggle of rockers who objected to that sentiment and alerted club security, who escorted Lauren from the space. We'd say he got off easy: If that John Paul guy was in the house, the l'il fella woulda gotten a butt-kicking he'd still be smartin' from.

DAVID SPRAGUE(May 7, 1999)