We'd like to kick off this week's proceedings with some Get Well Soon wishes for both Jarvis Cocker's mom and the one and only Joey Ramone! Feel better, folks!

The Soft Boys/Young Fresh Fellows trek is, in the words of Mr. Scott McCaughey, "the gayest tour ever!" And he should know! And as Robyn Hitchcock points out, the Fellows are not just the world's greatest rock & roll band -- they're the only rock & roll band . . . It appears there is another new 2Pac record coming to us from beyond the grave. Muthafucka's made more dead guy records than Jim Morrison!

In other music news, people are always asking us, "You guys hate Radiohead so much -- what do you two like?" Well, Manic Street Preachers' Know Your Enemy is -- with a few minor reservations (like Nicky Wire's ill-considered hero worship of Fidel Castro and lyrical glitches such as references to "Alfred J Prufrock" [sic] -- the first great record of 2001. The second great record of 2001 is also Welsh born -- Terris' long-awaited Learning to Let Go is finally here, and (holy crap!) it was worth the wait. The most electric and exhilarating ROCK! you'll hear this year, period! Period! Also spinning this month under the Well Hung laser is the Great Outdoors' What We Did In Our Holidays, perhaps the finest collection of janglepop this side of Glasgow circa 1985. The Divine Comedy's new Regeneration isn't nearly as bad as we expected, what with R'Head producer Nigel Godrich -- the guy who made both Travis and Pavement extra dull -- behind the board. The fleshed-out rock sound only points up the fact that Our Neil's growing up, though the shaggy hair and denim jacket is a look he might want to reconsider. Let's see . . . we also dig Better Living Through Reckless Experimentation, the new Brave Captain EP, which sees Martin Carr coming closer to getting his groove back. Still ain't the Boos, of course, but it'll have to do. We also think the new Acetone record, York Blvd, is quite groovy, but as it is coming out at the same time that Michael is trying to clear out space on his CD shelves, it does raise a question: Does anyone really need four Acetone records? Shouldn't you just replace them each time a new one comes out?

Needless to say, the Britney commercial gives us wood, though not quite as profoundly as her new video. Also we want to note that Beltway gossip has always held that Bob Dole was a funny fucker in his private life, and now we know it's true. Oh, Coke might whup Pepsi's ass, but anyone who prefers Christina to Britney must be gay . . . Have you heard the new record by the Fucking Champs? You gotta love 'em, especially their single, "Fucking Tequila."

Here's a leftover thought from last week's Juno column: Canuck boy band SoulDecision are certified gold in the U.S. and platinum in Canada. That means, of course, that they are more popular in the Lower Forty-eight. Go figure . . . Some German promoter wants a refund for one of last year's Noel-free Oasis shows. Refund? We say he should pay extra!

To close this week's edition of Well Hung At Dawn, here's another installment of "Assholes on Parade":

Adam Horovitz is so upset by Eminem he's been whining like a pussyboy to anyone who'll listen. "I think it's pretty embarrassing for someone to go and say, 'This is my First Amendment. This is my right as an American citizen to be ignorant and homophobic and sexist,'" Ad-Rock moaned to the Web site, Worldpop. This from a guy who had to be stopped from naming his fist album Don't Be a Faggot. Never forget, as we Jews say . . .

Finally, here's a quote from that irritating little bald fella, Moby: "I'm still a jerk. Probably I should go to J.A. -- Jerks Anonymous." Probably? Definitely!

E-mail to Sqwubbsy@aol.com

JASON COHEN and MICHAEL KRUGMAN
(April 4, 2001)