Our theory that Sammy Hagar doesn't keep up with current events was dashed to pieces this past month when he churned out an update of "I Can't Drive 55," in which he finally acknowledges that most states upped their highway speed limits some years ago. Those new laws are still a bit too oppressive for the gas-guzzlin' grandpa, who uses the reworked "I Can't Drive 65" -- which was waxed for the NASCAR-sponsored Full Throttle album -- to boast that he'll still be flipping off patrolmen from coast to coast. We're anxiously awaiting the next remake of the song, in which Sam comes to grips with another of the things that bring him down by wailing "I Can't Count to 25" . . .

Confronted with the sad news that not there was not a single supermarket in all of Britain requiring her services for a grand opening ceremony, ubiquitous pop songbird Kylie Minogue decided to fly the coop this weekend. Minogue will head to the Dutch burg of Maastricht today, where she'll attempt to make it into The Guinness Book of Records by tipping the first tile in what's said to be the biggest domino line in history. A crew of ninety folks -- most of whom, we'd guess, are taking full advantage of those liberal European welfare rules -- have spent several days lining up more than three-and-a-quarter million dominoes, which Kylie will set into motion for an expected eighty-minute fall-fest. Should Kylie fail, she could always pursue inclusion in the Guinness tome under the heading of "Silliest Pop Star Name" . . .

Unlike many musicians who staked a claim to fame in the 1980s, Boy George actually seems to remember a good bit of the decade -- and to prove that, he's penned a musical all about those halcyon days. Taboo, which opens at The Venue in London in January, is intended to be a look back at the era, rather than an autobiographical sketch. Oddly enough, though, the soundtrack to that decade happens to be awfully heavy on Culture Club songs -- and, we'd wager, more than a few jokes at the expense of Pete Burns. Now if only he could convince the members of Kajagoogoo to play themselves in the all-important sequence about that quest for world domination . . .

There are plenty of computer games out there for folks who dream of slaying dragons, waging war and smashing celebrities in the face with cream pies. But what about the aspiring bean-counter who wants nothing more than to leech off the creative endeavors of unsuspecting artists? Well, those wannabes will be pleased as punch to know that they'll be able to practice their machinations when a new PC game called Rock Manager hits stores early next year. The surprisingly realistic game -- which covers rock, hip-hop and country -- is said to allow players to arrange payola, send some band members into rehab and purchase expensive sexual favors for others. If anyone's asking, we'd like to suggest the game's creators write in a plot line about sending nice, expensive gifts to journalists -- just in case life starts to imitate art . . .

DAVID SPRAGUE
(November 16, 2001)