The rock pantheon has long been inundated with tales of musicians readily acquiescing to requests that they sign the breasts of female admirers, but an Irish Darkness fan took things to an entirely new level. The gent, who, to his own benefit, has chosen to remain anonymous, approached Justin Hawkins and Co. at a signing and asked them to put their collective John Hancock on a dead dog that belonged to his late grandmother. The miniature schnauzer -- which had fortunately been stuffed and preserved -- didn't offer much in the way of signing space, so drummer Ed Graham honed in on the pup's private parts, inscribing one letter of his first name on each of the little fella's testicles. We'd imagine Marilyn Manson would pay good money to be allowed such a treat . . .

Having spent much of the last few years trying to find a way to stay vertical for a reasonable length of time, guitarist Ronnie Wood is now concentrating on a healthier method of getting himself horizontal. The rooster-haired Rolling Stone, who's just completed his third stint in alcohol rehab, has taken up kickboxing -- showing surprisingly little regard for potential damage that could be done to his liver. Given Wood's preternatural ability to take a goodly number of shots, we wouldn't be surprised to see him go on to attain a black belt -- or at least a Black Label . . .

It seems like only yesterday when action figures were actually required to take part in, you know, action. We knew that had changed when replica Ozzy Osbourne's hit the market, but we were still unprepared for word that Ronnie James Dio was also in line to be immortalized in polyvinyl -- an event that will apparently go down later this fall. Plans are in the works for a full line of Dio paraphernalia, including a mock-up of his horned mascot, Murray, figures from his songs, and, no doubt, some sort of Dio Dream House. And while there's no shortage of rock-realm dolls out there, we'd advise the distributors of the new line to capitalize on the fact that the pocket-size Dio dolls are the first to actually qualify as life-sized . . .

When we first got wind that the folks at the Nightmoves Adult Entertainment Awards show were planning to bestow a special honor on Vince Neil, we presumed it was in recognition of his astonishing consumption of smut. As much as we hate to say it, we were wrong, and the Motley Crue vet earned his award fair and square -- by producing a direct-to-video flick entitled Vince Neil's Rocktales. We could be wrong, but we have a strong suspicion that the ceremony's creators gave the nod to Neil in order to thank him for having the restraint not to doff his duds on camera.