While we doubt that Al Green is overly concerned about the competition, another pop standard-bearer has gotten on the road to getting right with God -- on paper, at least. Everyone's favorite Brit pretty boy can now officially call himself the Right Reverend Robbie Williams, thanks to the Universal Ministries (which, as far as we can tell, has no relation to Al Jourgenson). Rev. Robbie was ordained online, thus bypassing all those pesky years of studying scripture, just in time to officiate at the wedding of pal Billy Morrison, whose day job playing bass in the Cult apparently didn't qualify him to perform the ceremony himself . . .

You'd think that fans of Jerry Lee Lewis would be familiar enough with the Killer's firearm facility so's not to attempt any off-the-wall -- or in this case, on the wall -- tributes that might displease the old codger. Nevertheless, a gaggle of Lewis' loopier fans have taken it upon themselves to adorn his ranch's traditional autograph wall -- usually a place for scrawling best wishes and the odd phone number -- with a series of increasingly pornographic missives. The Memphis Commercial Appeal reports that the sixty-six-year-old rockabilly legend has grown so tired of waking to a sea of waving penises that he's actually called in his old nemeses in blue to cart away folks found defacing the Great Wall of Fire. Wouldn't it be more cost effective to sell the nastier stuff to Marilyn Manson for use in his sitting room? . . .

Carrying on a proud rock & roll tradition, Bryan Ferry's sixteen-year-old son managed to get himself tossed out of one of Britain's most prestigious schools earlier this month, but not for the sort of hell-raising that'd do pop's peers proud. Isaac Ferry was shown the door at Eton after being found guilty of sending an "abusive" e-mail to the head of a local anti-hunting group. Isaac, who's an avid blaster of small furry creatures, was charged with harassing the appropriately named Simon Wild, of West Sussex Wildlife Protection Group. So much for trying to make practical use of a mouse rather than merely blowing one away . . .

DAVID SPRAGUE
(March 22, 2002)