We've all heard MCs complain about having to deal with wannabes and posers getting on their jock, so it's kind of refreshing to see a pop star so eager to put up his jock for grabs. The performer in question is wacky Brit Robbie Williams is selling off the actual jockstrap he wore on the cover of his Sing When You're Winning album, and hopes to get five thousand bucks for the garment that was once so close to his heart (among other things). The sale will take place this coming Monday at an auction house partly owned by Mick Fleetwood -- whose own unmentionables, as far as we know, have never been put on the open market . . .

Just when we thought there was a chance that we might see a bit of shrinkage in that ol' ozone layer hole -- what with all those shaven-paten power-balladeers scampering across the charts -- a gaggle of Aquanet-dependent pop relics have come out of suspended animation en masse. Adam Ant, Toyah, Howard Jones, China Crisis and Spandau Ballet will join forces next spring for a European trek that's rather optimistically been dubbed the "Here and Now" tour. If they manage to get the thing off the ground -- no sure thing, given the additional avoirdupois certain of the participants have packed on over the years -- it may head stateside in the fall. In that event, moms are advised that it's probably not necessary to lock up their daughters -- but that age-spot cream had better be kept under close guard . . .

While it would seem that the Scottish would have to go a long way to surpass the bad taste benchmark they set in inventing the boiled sheep stomach snack known as haggis, some ever-enterprising Glasgow businessmen have done just that. The owners of a Glasgow-based strip club called Legs and Company have riled up friends and fans of Aaliyah -- who died in a place crash earlier this year -- by using a scantily clad photo of the singer in a new round of ads. We're not exactly certain what the flesh-peddlers were trying to suggest by hijacking the late performer's image -- but the ads are sleazy enough that we wouldn't put actually displaying dead bodies past 'em . . .

If you're one of those unflaggingly honest types who refused to use Napster because you saw it as stealing, get ready to pony up some serious dough -- or start using smoke signals. An Australian musician and professor has gone through the painstaking process of cataloguing every single possible permutation of melodies made by pushing the buttons of touch-tone phones -- and copyrighted them as part of a work he calls "Magnus Opus." Nigel Relyer says he's serious about wanting to get paid, but says he's being reasonable by only asking a nickel each time you pick up the phone. Since he's charging business owners a buck per call, we like to think of him as a man of the people -- albeit one that might need to get his own circuits re-wired if he thinks anyone's gonna dash a check off in his direction . . .

DAVID SPRAGUE
(November 30, 2001)