Normally, we're not prone to getting all misty-eyed when recalling the good old days when dads like Mr. Cunningham and that guy from "My Three Sons" roamed the earth, dispensing sage advice on lemonade stands and sportcoats. But having just heard that sex-tape star cum opium advocate Perry Farrell is actually being allowed to reproduce, well, we began to get awful nostalgic. At any rate, ol' Perry will see his spawn -- which he says will carry the Biblical name Yobel -- arrive on earth in late August or early September: We can only hope he can manage to keep his own feet planted on terra firma solidly enough to experience the blessed event without resorting to videotape.

We're not nearly as apprehensive about the notion of Korn's Brian Welch joining the ranks of doting dads in the coming weeks, although we'll bet that fans disappointed by his decision to take some time off -- thus ousting Korn from this year's Ozzfest tour -- won't be sending him any "World's Greatest Dad" bongs to celebrate the occasion.

Whoomp! There it goes... Anyone who's ever had the misfortune of hearing "Whoomp! There It Is" on a passing radio, only to find it lodged in mid-brain for the rest of the day will probably be thrilled to hear that the producers behind the song just lost a lawsuit that will force 'em to pony up more than $700,000. No, the members of Tag Team (who recorded "Whoomp!" back in the mid-'90s) weren't sued by disgruntled music fans-or even strippers who lost lower-body circulation trying to gyrate to the damn tune. They were taken to court by a fella named Sergio Cossa, who charged that the mega-hit was ripped off directly from his "I'm Ready," an allegation that New York judge Douglas Eaton agreed with. He ordered the back payment of some $707,000 in past songwriting royalties, and all future royalties as well.

Losin' Rubin Being friends with ol' Beelzebub himself finally paid off for Psychic TV frontman (and founder of the Anton LaVey-styled Temple ov Thee Psychick Youth "church") Genesis P-Orridge, who just won more than $1.8 million from a lawsuit against producer Rick Rubin. P-Orridge sued the American Recordings honcho after he was seriously injured in a two-story fall he took when trying to escape a 1995 fire in Rubin's home: He suffered a broken wrist, broken ribs and a pulmonary embolism that forced a 10-day stay in a hospital intensive care unit. Rubin's attorneys tried to pin the blame on mascara-popsters Love & Rockets, who were also guests at the bearded wonder's home, but the Los Angeles judge ruled that Rubin bore full responsibility since the domicile was not zoned for commercial use -- that being the studio that P-Orridge and the goth boys were using.

Hair raisers You've heard the phrase "two great tastes that taste great together"? Well, we've got a bit of news that illustrates exactly the opposite condition. It seems that a bunch of misguided ska posers have decided to get back to their real roots and put together an album featuring covers of hair-metal hits from the "good old days." Yep, the hapless skankers will be turning out renditions of such timeless classics as Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart" (courtesy Los Executivos), Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name" (two-toned into oblivion by Skif Dank) and, of course, Poison's "Talk Dirty to Me" (from the plaider-than-plaid boys in Regatta 69). We don't know about you, but we're anxiously awaiting the first fruits of the inevitable polka-punk hybrid trend that's probably brewing in some Los Angeles carport as we speak.

End of the line Punk rock lost a distinctive voice last week when Naked Aggression guitarist Phil Suchomel died at his California home after suffering a massive asthma attack. Suchomel, who was 29