While there's nothing particularly new about rock stars landing in hot water over misuse of their balls, Rod Stewart put a new spin on things in Los Angeles recently by hitting an elderly man in the head with one of his. As is his wont, the Scottish singer was kicking soccer balls from the stage in Los Angeles when one went awry and smacked 61-year-old Vincenzo Costa in the head, sending him into convulsions. Costa, who happens to be the father-in-law of dance producer Paul Oakenfold, was released from the hospital the next day, but is said to be considering legal action. If there's any justice, he'll reach a settlement that stops Stewart from further sullying the landscape with those stupefying standards albums . . .

Having never been a fan of jail cells or locked-ward mental hospitals, we don't imagine we'll be trying out for Spike TV's latest reality geekfest, which asks contestants to see if they can remain within ten feet of the Ol' Dirty Bastard for a full five days. Stuck to ODB, which premieres later this month, boasts a first prize of twenty-five thousand dollars -- an amount we'd demand doubled if the ten-foot rule requires accompanying the artist sometimes known as Big Baby Jesus to the john following one of his legendary burrito sprees . . .

Since inspiration can be found in the strangest places -- we went through a period when some of our best work was brought about by spending hours staring into a Duluth, Minnesota snow globe -- it's not altogether shocking about a painter unveiling a series of works inspired by the music of a single artist. But since the artist in this case happens to be Deep Purple, well, we've gotta admit to engaging in a bout of head-scratching. Nevertheless, Russian-based painter Olga Stozhar has compiled Deep Purple in Art, a book of sketches based on songs from throughout the band's career, as well as a passel of portraits depicting everything from Ritchie Blackmore in mid-strum to David Coverdale inaugurating his pre-show tradition of affixing that chest hair toupee . . .

While we've never really thought of Julia Roberts and Elton John as being cut from the same cloth, there's a guy down in Atlanta who seems to feel differently. Taking a page from the Pretty Woman script, the unnamed gent has offered Ol' Pink Eyes a cool hundred thousand bucks to spend an evening together -- with activities strictly confined to dinner and, perhaps a post-meal cocktail. The cash wouldn't actually go to help Elton pay off that latest shopping spree, but would instead end up in the coffers of the AIDS charity that the singer founded some years back. Heck, we could make perfectly good conversation -- and keep a grip on our lobster, to boot -- for a mere few sawbucks, in case anyone's interested.