Since we've never found chickens to be all that cuddly -- the beaks tend to get in the way, y'know -- we've never really thought all that much about saving millions of the things from the clutches of the Colonel. Paula Cole, however, is far more plucky when it comes to our poultrified pals: She went to Kentucky Fried Chicken's annual shareholders' meeting on Thursday -- skipping the luncheon, we'll presume -- and delivered a passionate plea to save some chicks from being converted into three-piece snack boxes. Noting that some McDonald's locations now offer veggie burgers, Cole delivered a letter suggesting the introduction of "soy-based chicken-friendly nuggets." "As a vegetarian, I hope KFC will consider adding some meat-free fare to its menu." Heck, we thought they already had -- ever hear of Cole slaw, Paula? . . .

Since Courtney Love managed to convince Hollywood that she's a serious actress, we knew it was just a matter of time before the other shoe dropped -- and drop it did this past week when Billy Ray Cyrus announced that he's just snapped up his first starring role on the silver screen. The Monarch of Mullets will play the title character -- a retired CIA gun-runner who narrowly sidesteps the loony bin -- in Radical Jack, which begins filming in New England next month. That's not the last of Cyrus' multiplex exploits for the season: In a role that should be far less of a stretch, the cartoonish crooner will unite with some kindred spirits when he sings the theme song for a big-screen version of Scooby Doo . . .

What was that stuff about no future, grandpa? The Punk Rock Hall of Fame -- an oxymoron if we've ever heard one -- will hold its awards ceremony on June 5 in Los Angeles, giving scores of middle-aged mooks the chance to shape those comb-overs into Mohawks one more time. The evening will feature performances by folks such as X, the Go-Go's, the Adolescents, the Bags, Black Flag (with original vocalist Keith Morris), the Circle Jerks and the Weirdos. Black tie is optional, of course, but black eyes are preferred . . .

Now that Billy Joel has officially retired from pop music -- until that inevitable comeback tour, that is -- he's finally found the time to clean out the garage and get rid of a few of those treasures only a true superstar can accumulate. Naturally enough, a handful of the Piano Man's castoffs have found their way into the world of the celebrity auction, where -- for a good cause, of course -- you can buy a bit of Billy's trash for your very own. Items included in the bidfest range from the ridiculous (a harmonica guaranteed to contain Joel's salivary residue, going for a mere $400) to the sublime (the box from his portable Stairmaster, just two hundred smackers). We scoured and scoured, but could find no mention of gently-used silver-lame skinny neckties. Guess he wanted to hang onto those in case they ever come back in style . . .

From our "isn't it ironic?" department: The mansion that was home to Janis Joplin during her time in San Francisco ('67 - '68) has been converted from a private dwelling into a drug rehabilitation center. Golden Gate Community Inc. spent more than $350,000 in order to renovate the house in the once-notorious Haight-Ashbury district, where Joplin's drug-'n'-booze exploits made her a legend . . .

That's my story and I'm sticking to it ... sorta. Coolio's rope-a-dope with the California legal system extended another round this week, as the Grammy-winning rapper, aka Artis Leon Ivey, Jr., entered a plea of innocent to concealed handgun charges. The lengthy legal proceeding found the crafty rapper pleading innocent in February, followed by a no-contest plea in March. The no-contest plea was withdrawn last month and Wednesday, May 19, before Superior Court Judge Andrew Kauffman, Coolio again entered an innocent plea. The charges stem from a September incident in which a Lawndale, Calif., sheriff's deputy pulled the rapper over for driving on the wrong side of the road. When asked if he had a firearm, Coolio surrendered it to police. Coolio has a prior conviction from 1994 for carrying a concealed weapon . . .

The circus surrounding the death of country queen Tammy Wynette has finally been put to rest. Almost. After a recent exhumation and autopsy of the singer, Davidson County medical examiner, Bruce Levy, M.D., determined heart failure to be the cause of Wynette's death last year. Wynette's Tennessee flat-top box was cracked open five weeks ago, after four of her five daughters launched a $50 million wrongful death suit against her private physician, Wallis Marsh, M.D., and her husband, George Richey. Richey was dropped from the suit earlier this month, but it still stands against Marsh, whom the daughters accuse of treating their mother with excessive narcotics. In a statement Wednesday, May 19, Levy said he found "significant evidence of previous blood clots" which led to a "fatal arrhythmia." Levy said traces of the sedatives Versed and Phenergan were found in Wynette's blood, though he claimed "it is virtually impossible to determine . . . to what extent, if any, these drugs contributed to her heart failure and death." . . .

Jimmy Buffett has bigger things on his mind this week than the release of his latest album, Beach House on the Moon. To wit, sixty-six manatees were killed by boats in Florida last year, and the head Parrothead is fightin' mad about it. Buffett and the Save the Manatee Club (which he co-founded) have joined more than twenty other environmental organizations in serving the Florida Department of Environmental Protection, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service with sixty day letters of intent to sue, believing that the organizations have not been up to snuff in their manatee conservation efforts. The singer/author/restaurateur met with Fla. Governor Jeb Bush on Wednesday, May 19, to discuss the potential suit and lobby for the sea mammal's protection. "Although state and federal laws protect manatees, the agencies are not implementing this protection in full, so we continue to lose a record number of manatees from human activity," said Buffett. "I said nearly twenty years ago when we began the Save the Manatee Committee that if we as Floridians could not slow down our lives, our boats and our business interests enough to ensure the survival of the manatee, then we will have failed as environmental stewards". . .

DMX, rap's second busiest recidivist, was cleared of criminal charges in Denver yesterday, leaving a solitary outstanding assault charge between him and a clean slate. A warrant for DMX's arrest was issued earlier this month when a twenty-four-year-old man claimed he was stabbed by DMX or one of his bodyguards at a restaurant after the rapper's local performance at a Hard Knock Life Tour show (the same concert from which all artist profits were donated to the families of the victims in the Columbine shootings). "DMX [born Earl Simmons] appeared in Denver and provided a statement to the investigating detective," said Denver Detective Virginia Lopez. "The detective re-interviewed witnesses to the assault, and based on additional information the case was presented to the DA. Due to the unlikelihood of a conviction of the felony charge for which the warrant was issued, the charges were dropped." DMX still faces an assault charge in Westchester, NY, following an alleged altercation with a man in Yonkers last week. . .

Given the Republican stink over Clinton's legendary toke, how will they feel about having a bonafide Doobie Brother on their own ticket? Seventies guitar-slinger Jeff 'Skunk' Baxter (Doobies, Steely Dan) has hinted that he may walk down Ventura's boulevard as the most recent of unlikely public office candidates. The Los Angeles Times reports that Baxter has hired a campaign consultant in preparation for a possible go for the GOP ticket on Southern California's 24th Congressional District House seat next year. Still decked out in jeans, trademark beret with walrus-esque moustache, the fifty-year-old Baxter has quietly turned into a politico in recent years, serving as chair of a civilian advisory board for ballistic missile defense as well as doing advisory work for Rep. Curt Weldon of Pennsylvania. The 24th District has had poor GOP showings in the previous three elections, thus Republican hopes are that Baxter's celebrity cache will work in their favor. Despite Baxter's avid support of missile defense systems and the NRA, he has positioned himself as a moderate -- supporting abortion rights as well as reaching out to SoCal's Latino voters. Incumbent Brad Sherman, a Harvard-educated tax attorney, only admits to knowing little more about his competitor's background other than having once "seen" a Doobie Brothers album . . .

The 47th Annual BMI Pop Awards, which were held last night (May 18) at the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Los Angeles, aren't exactly the Oscars. Everyone knows beforehand who the winners are, so the element of surprise is absent. Also missing are the acceptance speeches: winners walk on stage to collect their plaque and then walk off, though given the fact that some seventy songs are honored, this is a good thing. And three of the four performers named Songwriter of the Year (bestowed upon the artist whose songs have been given the most airplay, by format) -- Mariah Carey, Sarah McLachlan and Shania Twain -- passed on the ceremony, leaving Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas to pick up his statuette alone. That's not to say the awards were sparsely attended, though. In addition to Thomas, Everclear's Art Alexakis, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Tonic's Emerson Hart, Lisa Loeb, Ednaswap's Anne Preven and Motown legend Lamont Dozier attended the black-tie gala. Along with ASCAP (which handed out its own awards on Monday), BMI collects the licensing fees for performance on radio and television. So what was the most played song from October 1st, 1997 through March 31, 1998? Shania Twain's "You're Still the One." Other winners included the Cardigan's "Lovefool," Brandy's "The Boy Is Mine," Goo Goo Dolls "Iris," Sugar Ray's "Fly" and Foo Fighters' "Everlong" . . .

Italian uber designer, Giorgio Armani is throwing a bash for his long-time pal, Eric Clapton at his West Hollywood store on June 12. The occasion for the invitation-only soiree is the preview of the 100 Clapton guitars which will go up for auction at Christie's New York on June 24 in a benefit for Crossroads Centre at Antigua, the rehab center that the guitarist founded last year. Clapton will perform at the store with Jimmy Vaughan and his band . . .

It looks like Morrissey really has something to be glum about. The British pop icon has to cough up ú1.3million for former Smith band member drummer Mike Joyce in back royalties. A High Court Judge demanded the singer pay up way back in 1996, but Morrissey filed an appeal which the House of Lords rejected May 17. Morrissey and Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr, who wrote the bulk of the songs, had each taken forty percent of the profits during the band's tenure, and given Joyce and bassist Andrew Rourke only ten percent each. Morrissey had maintained that the Smiths was "never an equal relationship," a comment that caused the judge to brand Morrissey as "devious and unreliable." Rourke, who recently declared bankruptcy, will not receive any more remuneration because he settled for a single out-of-court payment of approximately ú80,000 in 1989. Morrissey is getting ready to record his next solo album, with John Cale rumored as producer . . .

Don't write off Jeff Beck just because he's backing out of Woodstock. The sinewy guitar god leaves for a three-week-long Japanese tour later today (May 19), and on August 17 he heads out on the road with young picker, Jonny Lang, including a stop at Wantagh, N.Y.'s Jones Beach on August 25. After his stint with Lang, Beck will continue on the road for another three weeks. "The only reason Jeff backed out of Woodstock is that he had a prior commitment he couldn't get out of," his spokesperson said . . .

Kenny Wayne Shepherd is taking a break from recording his new album with former Talking Head Jerry Harrison at the helm to appear at the W.C. Handy Blues Awards in Memphis, on May 27. The offer to play with his hero Stevie Ray Vaughan's band Double Trouble was too much to resist, so the blond twenty-year-old is heading to Tennessee to join Trouble mates Chris Layton and Tommy Shannon. The talented twosome will appear on some of the cuts on Shepherd's new album, due out September 21. Perhaps Shepherd should just sign them up full-time, since Layton and Shannon haven't had a permanent home since Storyville broke up last November. In other Kenny Wayne news, Shepherd has been co-writing songs with Will Jennings, the force behind some of Celine Dion's hits . . .

Jewel will receive the Governor's Award at the Los Angeles chapter of the National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences (NARAS) Membership Awards next month. The award, the Chapter's highest honor for members, will be presented at a luncheon June 15 at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Producer Don Was, songwriter Carol Bayer Sager ("The Prayer", "Arthur's Song"), and composer Jerry Goldsmith (Chinatown, Patton) are also scheduled to receive the prestigious, annual award, which honors members for "their creative talents and community service." Previous winners have included Smokey Robinson, Quincy Jones, Diane Warren and Melissa Etheridge . . .

When George Lucas invites you over to Skywalker Ranch to watch a movie, only the foolhardy turn him down. On Monday, May 17, two hundred of Lucas's nearest and dearest assembled at his sound stage at 1:00 p.m. for an exclusive screening of Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Among the glitterati were all the members of Korn, who scooped up all the Darth Maul merchandise when they thought no one was looking. Limp Bizkit and Rob Zombie were marginally better behaved, and politely accepted their bags of Star Wars toys with good grace. Ozzy Osbourne and wife/manager Sharon regaled everyone with tales of their own efforts bringing Ozzy's life story to the silver screen this year. Third Eye Blind's Stephan Jenkins was a little miffed when the security guards tried to prevent him from bringing his dog into the screening, but they finally relented when Jenkin's told them, "I couldn't find a babysitter." Alyssa Milano snuggled with husband Cinjun Tate from Remy Zero, while fellow Charmed actress Shannen Doherty traded gossip with Tori Spelling. In addition to a bevy of starlets, Lucas also invited members of 'N Sync, Boyz II Men, Backstreet Boys, and Hanson. According to onlookers Zach Hanson was especially spirited and had to be warned a few times during the screening to "keep it down." What's wrong with kids today, blabbering through a Star Wars flick? . . .

Bruce Fairbairn, one of Canada's preeminent record producers, was found dead at his home yesterday. Fairbairn, who had turned the knobs for such rockers as AC/DC, Aerosmith, Blue Oyster Cult, Bon Jovi, Cranberries and Van Halen, did not have a history of drug abuse, nor was he in ill health, according to intimates. Eric Olsen, editor of Encyclopedia of Record Producers (out next month on Billboard Books), spoke to Fairbairn recently and said he seemed fine. "It's a real shock, and a tragic loss for our industry." When Fairbairn didn't turn up for his recording session on Monday with Yes, an employee of Armoury Studios in Vancouver was sent to fetch him and found him unresponsive on the floor of one of the rooms of his home. According to a spokesperson for Bruce Allen Productions, which represents Fairbairn, the producer's death is a mystery to them. "We're all in a state of shock. He was so young, only forty-nine years old. We don't know what went wrong." The cause of death is yet to be determined. Funeral arrangements were still pending at press time . . .

The Pavement live album that was supposed to come out last year, but didn't, may see the light of day -- eventually. According to frontman Steve Malkmus, the album -- culled from three shows recorded during their Brighten the Corners tour -- sounded great but didn't include enough "weird versions [or] funnier [interpretations]" of Pavement tunes so, he says, they "sacked it." "I just thought we could do something more special," he says. Guitarist Spiral Stairs adds, "our label [Matador] really wanted it to come out but it just didn't feel like it was the right time" and that "if we wanted to put something out for our fans, it should have more from other records [besides Brighten the Corners]." So, when all's said and done, the album could actually come out with perhaps a second or third disc. "Maybe what we'll do is include it," says Stairs, "like do some songs from this record and at the end of this year, put it together with all the tracks ... maybe a box set or something." Think he was joking about that last part . . .

Call it a case of bad timing. Rapper DMX, who last saw the light of a courtroom when he was accused of raping an exotic dancer in August (he was later cleared after a DNA test), recently made a repeat performance before a New York judge. On Friday, the rapper born Earl Simmons was held on bail behind Westchester County bars on charges of third-degree assault and second-degree harassment for allegedly attacking 27-year-old motorist Norman Brown as he sat behind the wheel of his car on a Yonkers, N.Y., street. According to the complaint filed by Brown, DMX chased the driver into a building and beat him up. Simmons' lawyer, Ian Niles, maintains that the rapper was coming to the defense of his wife, Tashera, who had just been attacked by the motorist. But when DMX appeared before Judge Joseph Angiolillo, things went from bad to worse. The judge informed the rapper that he was also wanted in Denver for his alleged participation in the stabbing of a man at the Skyline Cafe on April 28 after his Hard Knock Life concert (the proceeds of which went to the victims of the Columbine High School tragedy). The judge ordered DMX to turn himself over to Denver authorities, but not after instructing the rapper to pay $105,000 in bail -- $5,000 for the Yonker's incident and $100,000 for the fugitive-from-justice warrant pending in Denver. Niles insists that not only was his client uninvolved in the Colorado incident, he was unaware of the outstanding warrant. "I have no reason to run," Simmons said . . .

Move over, ma&pop.com, the age of the Online Superstore is upon us. Web music store giants CDnow and N2K's Music Boulevard officially merged Tuesday, May 18. The new site, which keeps the CDnow banner, dwarfs conventional mega-stores with a selection of half a million music-related items. Customers can also order custom CDs track-by-track, picking and sorting through 150,000 licensed songs (including ones from "name brand" acts like Hole, Iggy Pop and Sugar Ray). And don't worry about that old Music Boulevard account info you might have set up -- it's still good at the new store . . .

One of the last bands the world was expecting a reunion from, the original Genesis (is that redundant?), has reunited, at least in the studio, to re-record "Carpet Crawlers," the original version of which appeared on the group's seminal art-rock album The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway (1974). The song will be included on a Genesis "best of" package slated for release later this year. At press time, it was not known if all five original members of Genesis (Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, Steve Hackett, Mike Rutherford and Tony Banks) were on board during the recording, but the Los Angeles Times reported at least Collins and Gabriel were indeed on hand during the sessions, which are taking place somewhere in England. Producer Trevor Horn (Seal, Yes) is handling producing duties on the song . . .

Paul McCartney is turning his grief over the loss of his wife into art. Since the death of Linda McCartney of breast cancer last year, Paul has seen to the publishing of a book of her photographs and an album of her songs. Last month, he participated in a benefit concert at London's Royal Albert Hall along with Chrissie Hynde, Sinead O'Connor and George Michael. Now the former Beatle has joined ranks with seven other British composers to write a classical tribute called "A Garland For Linda." As well as penning a song titled, "Nova," McCartney has also reworked "Lady Madonna," "Fixing A Hole," "And I Love Her," "Here, There And Everywhere" and "Let It Be" to accompany the eight original compositions. It will debut July 18 with a performance by The Joyful Company of Singers at the chapel of Charterhouse public school in Surrey . . .

Imagine Woodstock or Lollapalooza being invaded by jazz cats, and you've got an inverse picture of this year's Montreux Jazz Festival in Switzerland. Among the borderline jazzy and flat-out-not-jazzy-at-all acts scheduled for the July 2-17 festival are R.E.M., Alanis Morissette, Elvis Costello, Blondie, Van Morrison and Al Green.

ANDREW DANSBY, BLAIR R. FISCHER, STEVE MIRKIN, HEIDI SHERMAN, RICHARD SKANSE, DAVID SPRAGUE and JAAN UHELSZKI
(May 21, 1999)